Baskets and Contentment

Very early this morning, my husband looked over at my stack of baskets, and then he began laughing.

“Where on earth did you get these baskets?”.

There wasn’t anything wrong with the baskets though, his curiosity was with the number of the baskets. The baskets have been there for about two months and I’m pretty sure he has been meaning to ask.

I went ahead and explained how I bought them and why. This explanation meandered and  led to us talking about some adjustments we had to do in our son SonTer’s room before he came home for the holidays. After the lengthy discussion,  I sighed and smiled and said, “I just love that boy. He’s such a contented child.”

My husband’s remark to that was one of worry. He worried that SonTer was just like he and I… and maybe the combination makes him too contented. He explained how he always worries that we are too contented… unlike how it’s expected in the world… especially these days.

I pondered on it for a while, and I asked, “…but are we happy?”.

He looked back at me, smiled, and said, “You have a good point, woman.”

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Knowing me, knowing you

A couple of days ago I had a conversation with my older sister and at some point in that conversation, I tried to say a few things to her and in the process I got misunderstood somehow. Trying to explain my point left me a bit distraught and then of course teary. The more I opened my mouth to speak, the more I teared up. I need to add, that isn’t unusual at all. That is typical Mimi.

Now, the issue was that my sister became shocked and might I say, upset. She told me she didn’t expect tears and she was beyond shocked, as our conversation didn’t warrant any tears.

I’ve spent almost forty eight hours thinking about this. I have wondered how she never knew this about me. Then it hit me, we have never had a conversation where my emotions were spread out on the table. I realized that when I am with her, I always try to be a strong pillar for her, hiding any issues or problems, if I had them. I have always felt she didn’t need to add my own worries to hers.

My mind began to wander, wondering how many people really knew the people around them or what they were capable or incapable of, what they like or don’t like, what scares them and what makes them happy.

Do people know that I can’t bear to watch a traumatic news item or movie? Haunts me for days. Do they know that a romcom book or movie can completely reset a bad day for me? Do they know that I love it when people are happy and it breaks my heart when I see someone hurting?Does anyone know that I bother myself about the most trivial issues? worrying that I’ve upset someone about this or that? Do they know, that at the slightest sign of conflict, my heart begins to beat faster that usual?I guess not…

My question is, are we to tell people about ourselves and make them aware of who we are or do they get to find out as we get to know each other and as the bond thickens?

If we don’t let them know, we can’t blame them when they appear not to know. Right?

A Birthday Wish

I took a little time this morning to scroll through all my posts to find any post I had made about Aunty Ben that I could make reference to. I did not find any. I was very shocked. I couldn’t believe that I had never written anything about her. She is an amazing human.

Today, I drove to her place to give her a birthday. A cake from my cousin Ngodoo to her. As usual, she was warm and welcoming. She always is.

Today, she turned 65…but like Ngodoo said, it’s 56 in reverse…and she looks it…56 I mean.

One day I will write all I’ve got to say about this wonderful woman.

Today I’ll just say HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎉🎊 Aunty Ben.

I wish you all of life’s blessings and more.

Ease your mind

Everything can feel better when you talk to someone or when you write it down. It’s the reason I think diaries make the best reading materials.

I remember when Sandra lost her dad… Sandra is like a younger sister to me. The closest of many. She’s one to never show emotions. She didn’t cry, she remained strong and comforted her mum and sisters.

One weird day, she was acting up and I knew something was up. I cornered her and we got talking, real deep. Some where in this talk the dam broke. She talked a lot about how she missed her dad and how she couldn’t get to feel and experience certain things now that he was gone and how much it hurt.

At the end of it all, she expressed how she felt a lot better by merely talking about it.

Don’t always bottle up… Ease your mind every now and again… I promise you’ll feel ligher and better 🤞🏾

Good Old Things

When I was about 19 years old, my “cousin” Gosha, in a bid to bond and create a deeper relationship with her dad began making trips to the town where I lived. Her father, who for reasons best known to him back then, had moved from the city where his family lived to the town where we lived, had a small apartment, somewhat like a bachelors pad; and so Gosha always stayed with us for the duration of her visits.

Gosha was and is a conversationalist; she can talk and listen for hours. She also is an arguer. She had my sister all to herself when it came to arguing though, you can definitely count me out of that. How they enjoyed it and laughed while at it, I still wonder. I loved the conversations. We would talk and laugh so loud, I remember my dad shushing us around 2am one night.

During one of those conversations, we began talking about old movies and Gosha recommended one; Gone With The wind. She said it was a must watch. About a year later, when she came for another visit, she returned with a video cassette of the movie. We promised to see it but we never did because no longer had a video cassette player as the world had migrated to Video CDs.

About a year ago, 20 years later, I suddenly started to crave old movies; I began feeding this craving one movie after another. I started with ‘The Sound of Music’ 1965; you could see the excitement on my sons face when he heard me singing along with Maria and the von Trapp family singers.

Next, I saw ‘The Godfather I’ 1972, then ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ 1961 and then ‘Coming to America’ 1988. One afternoon, while driving home, wondering what old movie to see next, I remembered Gosha’s ‘Gone With The Wind’ 1939. I finally got to see it… 20 years later and It was worth it.

Gone with the Wind is a beautiful movie, it tells a tale of a spoilt but strong and determined lady who must face problems brought forth by The Civil War and her participation in The Reconstruction as well. It does not exclude her love affairs and how they all played out.

After Gone with the wind, I made a list of popular old movies that I had not seen yet and then I began viewing them one after the other. I have graded them with stars, just in case you want to give it a go as well.

  • Father of the Bride 1950 ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Anastasia 1956 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Roman Holiday 1953 ⭐⭐
  • Casablanca 1942 ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Mary Poppins 1964 ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • It’s a Wonderful Life 1946 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • An Affair to Remember 1957 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • The Palm Beach Story 1942 ⭐⭐⭐⭐

I have got a few more I would like to see, but I have not made time for them yet.

  • It happened one night 1934
  • Chances 1931
  • 12 Angry Men 1957
  • Vertigo 1958
  • Double Identity 1944
  • Imitation of Life 1959
  • Sunset Boulevard 1950
  • The Apartment 1960

Also, in the memory of Olivia Newton John, I decided to watch Grease 1978.

Is there any good old movie you think I need to see?

Su’eddie

Last night my entire maternal family (OBF is what we call ourselves) held our breath as we watched and waited for the revealing of the winner of The Nigeria Prize for Literature.

One of ours, Su’eddie Vershima Agema had emerged among the three finalists for 2022.

Material entered for the category

We waited together on our whatsapp group as we kept ourselves occupied with discussions and jokes from the live broadcast of the Grand Award Night. The tension was really high for us all; we really wanted our Su’eddie to win. Besides the honour of being named the winner, winning came along with a “token” of One Hundred Thousand US Dollars.

The moment came, the winner was announced. It was not my Su.

August 2022

Su as I prefer to call him is my brother and my friend. He is also my mentor and muse when it comes to writing. He is a pain in my neck whenever I go long periods without writing something. He still remains a pain concerning an unfinished project I have been working on. He is the same way even with himself, he starts a thing, he pushes himself and he completes it. He is a hard worker. He is diligent.

OBF took the news well, we went ahead to congratulate him because to us, being top 3 is a big deal.

Dear Su, I know there are more finalist positions, nominations and wins ahead.

Love you loads.

My mother

I recently read the poem ‘My Mother’ by Ann Taylor. As I read the lines about the things mother did when she was an infant, I wondered about my own mother. Did she sit and watch my infant head while I slept? I don’t know. Did she have sleepless nights and gaze upon my heavy eye when I was sick and in pain? I don’t know. Did she sing me a lullaby and rock me in her arms when I cried? I don’t know.

I don’t know. I was too little to know. I know a mother would most definitely do all that and a lot more but I would only guess that she did.

What do I know? My mind recalls most of the things she did from my first day at school onward. I know that she really did pay attention to all I had to say, She also told nice stories. I know she taught me to pray. I know she guided me in the ways of the Lord.

I know she cared and I know she still does. Even as a wife and a mother, she calls me to know if I am okay. She wonders if my household had a good night/day and if everything is alright… She wants to know if she can help in one way or the other.

Sometimes I feel horrible and tell myself it should be the reverse but I realise it’s just the mother in her over-shadowing the daughter in me.

My mother.

Why can’t we all be the same? Part 1

I watched her over a period of time. She was always calm. Always put together. Never losing her cool. I never heard her raise her voice. I prayed to God to give me her grace and patience but some how it just did not work out.

I felt sad for my son and wondered if he would take offence when he grew older and remembered how my voice often hiked with any slight alteration in my “normal” life. 

My neighbour is a beautiful young lady, I’m not sure how old she is, but I am certain I have got a good number of years on her. She moved in with her husband a couple of years ago after their wedding. A few months into their marriage, she became pregnant. We were told they were expecting triplets, I doubted it very much because her tummy almost never grew larger than a full meals’ bulge. Whether I believed it or not, the time came and she had triplets. All boys. 

Whether you have had kids or not, we all know that along with the great joy that they bring, children come with a lot of change; schedules get turned upside down, sleep becomes a prize we look forward to and lots more.

Darren, Derrick and Denzel

As I write this, the boys are way over one year old and their mother (Martha) is still holding it together and being strong. I asked her at some point how she never looks overwhelmed by all of it, because I know I would… I have got just one, still I get frazzled quite often. She told me she has some alone quiet moments when she lets go and cries it all out. That comforted me for a bit, but something hit me. Her being calm and collected in the midst of it all did not mean she was not affected by it, it only meant that she decided not to let it affect how she handled the responsibility she had been saddled with. I took that lesson with me and I have been practicing a lot and failing some times, but like they say; practice makes perfect.

I certainly am not aiming for perfect, i just want a calm and happy spirit in my home in place of the dissatisfaction that comes with any “wrong move”.

I think God makes us different for His own reasons… but He made my neighbour different from me to allow me to learn her patience and calm. I am enjoying what i am learning. I appreciate the peace that comes with it 

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Time passes and things do change

3 Christmases ago, my son participated in a chair dance competition and he lost to the winner. He cried so much it hurt. That had not been the only time I had seen him cry after losing at a game or sport. I spent the next couple of months telling him at any chance I could get how he didn’t always have to win at everything he participated in. I didn’t tell him not to keep trying, but I made him realise that he could win some and then lose some. I didn’t dwell too much on it and I didn’t even revisit the issue at all. Somehow, I saw him win several chair dance competitions and dance competitions at parties and I sighed heavy sighs of relief each time.

Today I was at a child’s party with him and next thing I know he’s been thrown out at the 3rd stage of a dance competition. My heart rate went up instantly. I was afraid he’d make a fuss, or worse, I was afraid he’d cry. To my surprise, he bounced back to his seat with a big smile and a little chuckle. I was happy for a moment and then the fear inside me came up for air. I suddenly remembered how in reference to how Will Smith had laughed at Chris Rock’s joke about Jada but later smacked Chris in the face, my sister had said “people laugh a lot to hide pain so sometimes it’s hard to tell”.

I got into an argument with myself about how he was only 8 years old and couldn’t put up a facade if he wasn’t happy and all. While I argued with myself, I saw him try to get into another competition. He was turned down…15 minutes later he entered into another competition. He was asked to bring his mum to join him for the game and I obliged. While we waited for the rules, I asked him why he was entering into all the games and competitions and with his usual bubbly spirit and a large smile he said “I want to win a prize, I will keep participating in all games till I win a prize today”.

I played the game with him and he won.

I learned some lessons today:

  1. I worry too much.
  2. Things get better with time.
  3. Everything will ALWAYS be alright in the END.

I hope I learn these lessons long enough to use them as a guide for him.

11th

12.03.2011

I wrote the following words for my 7th wedding anniversary, I read them again this year and found that I feel even stronger about them, 4 years later… I’m writing them again.
⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

When you put a seed into the ground, it shoots above the soil, it develops leaves and begins to branch out. Its flowers begin to bloom the way they are meant to and then it bears fruit. You look at it… It’s healthy and you like it. But you wouldn’t have that smile if you didn’t take care of it. For that seed to grow and develop, it needs the right amount of water, sunlight and the right temperature as well.
We planted a seed 11 years ago and just look how well it has grown… Daily we rise to water it… When the sun gets too hot we find ways to shield it… When the temperature gets too high we find ways to cool it down… I can gladly say that I’m enjoying the daily growth and the branches and flowers and fruits that we have made so far… In another life I would still plant with you my love. I Wonder how this seed will look like 50 years from now… I guess we have to wait till then to find out.
Happy 11th anniversary sweetheart