Tag: self care

This feels so good.

There’s something I’ve been quietly thinking about for some time now. You know how we are when something is really good?… A meal that surprises you…. That first sip of coffee when you didn’t even realize how much you needed it…. A movie that holds your attention so completely you forget everything else exists…. A song that feels like it understands you… A book that is so good, it stays with you long after the pages close at ‘the end’.

We don’t hold back in those moments.

We say it freely… “Wow, this is so good.”… “I love this.”… “This is amazing.”

There’s no hesitation. No filtering. No shame. So I’ve been wondering…

Why do we go quiet in other moments that feel just as good… sometimes even more?

I’m speaking about those personal/private experiences. Those moments of closeness, joy, connection… we often soften our reactions. We feel deeply… but express lightly. We say less than we mean or sometimes we even hold back words that are already sitting on our lips. We just refuse to acknowledge the feeling and how good it is… And it’s so subtle that we don’t even question it.

We just… do it.

As I continued to think about this, I said to myself, we don’t do this because anyone sat us down and said, “Don’t express joy.”

But in small, quiet ways, we learned: Don’t be too much… Don’t be too open… Don’t say everything you feel. So we became skilled at managing ourselves. I know I am.

We learned how to respond appropriately instead of honestly. We say: “That was nice.” or “I enjoyed that.” But we hesitate to say exactly how we feel. Things like “This feels really good.”… “I’m fully in this moment.”… “This is affecting me more than I expected.”

We prefer to play safe we refuse to let ourselves be real.

Now, the area that I ponder on a little more is in shared experiences. The withholding of words to express our feeling and/or the silence doesn’t just affect us, it affects the connection. Because there’s another person there. Another human being, present in the same moment, possibly wondering: Is this landing well? Are we both here? Does this matter to you too?

Have the right expression gives reassurance, clarity and it also deepens the connection. I think without it, something will always be missing.

After all the thought, I don’t think it’s one single reason that holds us back. Sometimes it’s fear… of sounding awkward, or too expressive, or misunderstood.

Sometimes it’s unfamiliarity… we were never really taught how to express enjoyment clearly. I certainly was never taught that.

And sometimes… it’s vulnerability… We don’t want to risk it and be too emotionally exposed…. Because saying “this feels good” is not just about the moment, it’s about allowing yourself to be seen in that moment. Being seen fully and honestly is not always easy.

But then, holding back costs us something or things. We don’t just protect ourselves, we limit the experience… something meant to be deep, shared, and alive is now made to look composed and quieter than it needs to be and slightly distant too.

We can decide to let go and feel it and express it and say it and do it

For example, when you are in a church congregation and you feel deeply moved, don’t keep your hands down or your tears hidden… Or in the heat of a romantic moment  where the words “I love you” sit heavily on your tongue, let it out, say what you feel…. at work when a brilliant idea comes to mind, don’t swallow it… among friends and family, say exactly how their presence makes you feel. 

Let be expressive, not loudly… Not performatively. Just honestly.

Whe  we do, something shifts. Expression becomes feedback… Feedback builds trust… Trust deepens the moment. And suddenly, you’re not just having an experience… you’re inside it. And the other person is too.

This is the kind of honesty I’m learning to lean into. I’m learning to say: this is what I’m feeling… This is where I am… This matters to me…. No overthinking… No editing. Just awareness… spoken out loud. Not for approval. Not for performance. Just for presence.

I have practiced holding back and I am good at it. So I think it’s time to practice something new and master it. I’m learning that Life Is not meant to be experienced halfway. 

We don’t hold back when the food is good. We don’t apologize when a song moves us. So maybe we don’t have to hold back in other meaningful moments either… Because sometimes, the difference between a good experience and a deeply fulfilling one…  is simply being willing to say it.

BEING THE BIGGER PERSON

This is one topic I have always thought deeply about.

At one point or another in our lives, we all get hurt; we all get angry and want to say hurtful things back at the person who has hurt us, we all feel we are being mistreated or betrayed. Sometimes we may have heard that a dear friend is saying hurtful things about us or they may even hurt us in our faces. In our homes, children will get upset by their parents, parents will be annoyed by their children… a wife’s “big mouth” will say regrettable things to her husband and a husband will say the most offensive things in return and it goes on and on and on and on.

In these situations, it is my opinion that there always has to be the bigger person. Being the bigger person doesn’t mean the other person is bad and then you are good. Being the bigger person only means you possess certain qualities and capabilities that he/she doesn’t possess. Being the bigger person strengthens you and your qualities and then maybe, just maybe, it MIGHT help the other person realise they didn’t have to be mean or offensive and then subsequently, the may handle situations better.

In a situation where it is clear that a person wants to pick a fight with you deliberately (and in this case, I will without apologies refer to the other person as the bad person), it is very important to know that you should never talk back to that person. When you talk back to a person, you have stooped to his/her level and you will definitely regret getting into it with them.



Being the bigger person is really hard, especially if you got some pride going there, and who doesn’t? One thing that stops us from taking the position of the bigger person is because in many conflicts, everyone seems to be the wronged and not the wrong one. No one wants to be honest. Sometimes I tell myself; “it doesn’t matter if you are the wronged, just be the bigger person”. The battle goes on within me and I hope you know, most of the time I don’t listen to me. It’s a WIP and I know I will get there one day.



The major way to be a bigger person is by admitting you are wrong and then apologizing – this of course is when you are wrong; but in a situation where you are not wrong and find yourself in a heady situation, the one and major quality you need to have is self control. This isn’t easy and if I may add, exercising self control with a difficult/challenging person is exceptionally difficult.



Another thing that can help is being positive. Seeing the positive side of every situation could play a very important part. When I apply positivity in being the bigger person, it’s usually with the 90/10 principle in mind. Since the day I found out about the principle I like to keep it handy. It helps with my self control.

What is the 90/10 principle? That’s another topic altogether. I think I should write about it some other time.

…this thought (being the bigger person) has been on my mind for a long while so I don’t think I should talk about it all in one day… to be continued.

Purple hearts

“It seems you are in a purple heart season”.

That’s what my sister said to me a few days ago when I replied her message with a purple heart. She had noticed that I had been sending out purple hearts for a while. I send out hearts…a lot.

“Mine is green” she added. I remember she had mentioned a few months ago how everything was lush for her in this season of her life and it had already started to manifest in several areas. I could already see it for myself.

Sending out purple hearts started subconsciously in August 2022 after I saw the movie ‘Purple Hearts’ and then after a while, I decided to make it a thing… My thing.

I learned that the medal presented to service members who had been wounded or killed by the enemy while serving in the United States military was called a Purple Heart.

I loved the solemnity that came with it. I decided I needed to surround myself with purple hearts. I deserve a Purple Heart for some of the wounds and injuries of this life.

Heck, everyone deserves a Purple Heart. We have all been hurt and wounded…some lives have even been lost from emotional, physical, mental and spiritual wars.

Besides, psychologists tell us that purple calms, stimulates and awakens our senses, it fosters creativity. Purple has also always been associated with wealth and royalty.

So I am gradually replacing the usual red heart with a purple one.

It may bring me more than I could even expect… Who knows!!!

Go

“Today is the first day of the rest of your life”. Charles Diedrich believed that by saying this everyday, we get the chance to start a new life every day and not limit ourselves to our past.

Every now and again we all get the need to start or restart life. Maybe it’s after a season of lukewarm living, a desire to cut off of certain things, a season of too many bad choices, or just the need to begin again.

What ever the reason may be, on any day I choose to start or restart something in my life, I begin by being intentional about my feet; I put on comfortable shoes that could take me anywhere and everywhere the entire day.

I don’t know how, but it works for me.

For me, my feet are the tool  for possession and repossession. Deuteronomy 11:24 and Joshua 1:3.

So today, on my journey to turn a new leaf in my attitude to a very long list of things, I have kitted up and I’m ready to go.

Mimi, Let’s do this. You’ve got this.

How dare you!!!!

We often get to feel many different kinds of emotions…pain, joy, fear, sadness and more. Of these emotions, only the positive ones are permitted.

One of the major reasons for the rejection of the expression of negative emotions is religion. We often believe that if we say we feel it then it has won.

For me, I think the stories from my religion are not just for story telling. These stories teach me that God loved open and honest relationships. We can see different examples with Hezekiah, Moses. Abraham, David, Job and many more characters.

As a believer of openness, showing/saying how you feel and feeling your feelings, I do not subscribe to the rejection or avoidance of any kind of emotions. You can read about some of my views in Feelings and Beauty in Candour.

It’s okay to feel it, what I beleive is harmful is staying in the feeling. But how can I work my way out if I don’t call it what it is?

Many have died in silence…literally, because they are afraid to say the words; I am sad. I feel lonely. I feel anxious. I am afraid.

The world will not let them.

Even when they do not say anything in return, their stares screem ‘How dare you’.

Me

If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why?

I would be me.

If I could be someone else for a day, I would be me.

The me that I seek, the me I dream about.

The me who thinks before she speaks, the me who doesn’t react with emotions. The me who makes all the right decisions.

I would be the me who doesn’t let the probelms of the world weigh me down. The me who can just enjoy life and let things be.

Why? So that I can be happy. I desire happiness.

If i could be someone else for a day, i would be my own super hero, I would be SUPER MIMI

I want to play

Is there anything you feel too old to do anymore?

I keep seeing these writing prompts on my jetpack app. Today’s prompt is one I can’t ignore.

I want to go out when it rains and sing out loud. I want to run in the field and jump around like I have no cares or worries. I want to jump rope with my friends and play hand games. I want to feel the wind on my skin and even the sun too. I caught myself daydreaming about this a few times, I even put it in words in Play time

I want to play.

But I feel I’m too old, I can’t do this anymore.

Words

I have always been fascinated about crosswords. I spent most of my growing up days wondering if I could ever be like my cousin’s mum, Olga. She used to have crossword books and she would solve them page by page. It amazed me more because she was Russian and English was actually her second language.

I never did anything about my fascination for crosswords, infact I remember a little over 10 years ago, I found a crossword booklet but I never went past page 1.

Fortunately for me, our human love for screens has helped lately. About a year ago, just when I decided to do a 50% cut on social media, I decided to get alternative apps for screen time and I was able to get a good crossword game. It has five stages from Easy to Very Hard. Each stage has atleast 50 crosswords, so I have been doing a lot of word crossing for some time now.

Different words; related words, unrelated words, new words and old words, crossing here and there.

That’s how some of us use our words, as though it’s just a game. We throw them here and there… Not knowing and not minding how and where they fall.

The thing about words, is how you just can’t take them back. You say it and that’s it. Some words cut deep, real deep, and it can take a while or even forever for some people to heal.

I believe that I must think before I speak, just in the same way I pause and ponder on my words before entering them in the crossword.

Biblical aid – James 1:19-20

We never know

Farewell tWitch.

With so much sadness, I write this piece.

Stephen Laurel “tWitch” Boss was found dead and it seemed to look like a suicide. In as much as it hurts and kind of hard to believe, it is a reminder to me that the happiest people may not necessarily be totally as happy as they look.

Even though I seem to be leaning towards lots of tweeps saying an investigation should be carried out because “something just doesn’t seem right”, we still ought to realise that people are dealing with a lot of stuff and try really hard not to show it. The world is very judgmental and this makes so many people try to hide their real emotions and fears.

I don’t know what led to his decision but my heart goes out to his family in this very difficult season of their lives.

tWitch was Ellen DeGeneres’ long time DJ and Co-producer, he always had a smile, his dance moves were pretty cool and he really had a way with the fans.

We never know what people are dealing with, let us try to;

  • Realise that everyone has something on their mind.
  • Pay attention and be sensitive to the cares and needs of our family and friends.
  • Be kinder with our words.
  • Render random acts of kindness.
  • Check on our “happy and cheerful” friends and family members too.

Too strong

For my sisters (blood and water)

You know yourselves

Bracing all storms. Working through a headache or even a heart ache. Smiling through the pain. Coming through for people who may be weak/down but who are really doing better than you are, mentally, financially and physically.

People run to you, all the time. They know you are always there, always strong…

There’s a problem with being too strong.

When you break, it sometimes is irreparable.

Some times just let yourself be weak.

You need you more than they need you.