I got asked that question and I honestly began to wonder what the real response was. It wasnt until i got a compliment about my candour that i realised that it wasnt that i was shameless but I happened to posses too much candour.
TMI is what they may call it now.
A couple of weeks ago, my pastor spoke about how a member of the church said his openness about his imperfections had caused her late husband to give his life to Christ.
The testimony which was meant to be a compliment left him conflicted. He wondered why, with all the good news he had preached about for years, it was a story about his imperfection that led a person to give their lives to Christ.
I totally understand with the guy who related with the pastors imperfections. In fact, as wrong as it may sound, it is what drew me to him in the first place.
In a world full of people who either don’t know what they want or who just want to do what people expect of them, it is hard to find a person who is honest enough to be true to themselves, what more, true to others.
Well, I’m glad that the pastor stated his distaste for fake things, i guess that’s what makes him put himself out there as a real human rather than an “anointed flawless man of God”.
There is beauty in being candid:
It makes you free.
It makes people respect you, even if they don’t tell you to your face.
You don’t have to worry about covering up stuff and mixing up your stories.
People trust you and try to build connections with you.
It increases your own self confidence. It allows people to want to trust you with their own truth.
Candour is beautiful. Try it. Experience it. Feel it. Enjoy it.
I read a blog post tittled How to Overcome Sadness by New Lune and in the comments, I told her I would write a response to the blog soon.
She mentioned 3 key ways she thought could be helpful when trying to overcome sadness. My response is focused on the first one; Pouring Everthing Out.
She said:
“I think it’s important to let everything out when you feel sad about a situation, a person or about something in general. The more you suppress those emotions, the harsher it will take a toll on yourself and when keeping those emotions down becomes a struggle, everything will break down in a harsh way which is technically not ideal because it will drain yourself out. By pouring everything out whether it’s through crying or speaking out, you will feel some weight off your shoulders”.
I totally relate to this. I recently had a situation where my reaction to something my husband did was very intense and didn’t match the current offense. After weeks of back and forth anger and bitterness, I found the key. It turned out that I had suppressed so many feelings and emotions and just like she said, everything broke down in a harsh way and it did drain me out.
I had already taken a few decisions on the way forward and then I ran into her blog post. I think a combination of the two will do me well, if I really work with it.
My eldest sister is a very busy person, she is a mom, works a 9 to 5 job, makes pillows and coaches people on mental health. In the middle of all this, she reaches out to the world. Yes, the world. Every now and again I get people telling me how she reached out to them and so and so.
She considers me to be equally busy, I am a mom, I work a 9 to 5 and I run a bake shop and I make time to talk with people who need my time. In the midst of this, I write, listen to a lot of music and I catch up with the latest movies and my favourite series.
One thing my sister has always wondered about my extra activities, is how I get to see the latest movies in the midst of my own busy life. I guess the answer is simple; I make time.
I have trained myself over the years to make time for stuff. Only a few days ago my immediate older sister commended me on how I was doing with blogtober and said she wondered how I was able to do it. I had the same response; I think I just make the time.
How to make time for stuff:
Create a schedule and stick to it: at the beginning of any week, I usually make a plan for what I plan to achieve. This includes movies I would like to see, series to catch up on, people I would like to catch up with and other activities. I often create a plan for this and I try to make sure to stick to it.
If you miss the scheduled time, push it in: this is very important to me because if I miss a plan, I frown. So if I miss a scheduled activity, I find a way to push it into the next day’s activity.
Submit yourself to someone: this has always remained my number one solution to almost everything. Make yourself accountable to someone. The normal human has a way of shoving things aside when there isn’t anyone to hold us responsible. That is why I always make my plans known to someone and have them remind me about them.
Remember the reason: the reason for a thing is the key to every execution. If we fail to remember why we want something then there is no point to it, is there? Remembering how important something is helps us to get it done.
Bottom line is: if something is important to us, we have to learn to make time for it. Some important things may not be a life or death affair, it may just be a leisure activity that could keep life better and easier for us.
PS. I think my sister makes time to reach out to the world and I must applaud her for that.
A few days ago I shared about my relationship with carbohydrates. It has been hard to manage. I never had any problems with carbs until late into my twenties. I began to notice that my body was taking its good time with digesting foods. My metabolism had slowed down.
Carbohydrates contain sugars that take long to digest and break down. Every now and again I try to speed up my metabolism and I also completely cut off carbohydrates. This allows me to jump-start my entire body and make it happy for a period of time.
How to speed up metabolism:
Replace carbohydrates with lots of protein
Drink lots of water
Take at least 10,000 steps daily
Drink green tea and coffee
Eat a lot of pepper and other spicy foods
Get at least 8 hours of sleep
How do I know if my metabolism is slowing down? Your metabolism may be slowing down when you feel some of these symptoms;
When you begin to gain a lot of weight
You notice that you are getting tired very easily
You start to get dry skin/hair and your nails break easily
You feel constipated
You get nagging headaches that dont go away
You get a feeling of sadness and depression
Some of these signs may not be related to your metabolism so it is recommended that you speak with a health specialist before coming to any conclusions.
It is very important to note that Carbohydrates are essential for the body as they are its main source of energy and so cutting them off completely for too long can be dangerous to health.
A close relative of mine who we had known to be a heavy drinker for most of his life, having faced a serious turning point in his life, decided to ditch the bottle. This came as a surprise to many of his relatives. He openly and proudly made this announcement to the surprise and joy of everyone. The only fear that kept revisiting my mind was the fear of jinx. What remains funny about my fear of jinxing a good thing is the fact that I have never really decided if I believe in it or not. I hope for his sake that it is a myth.
I noticed over a period of weeks that his appetite for food had somewhat doubled. We had a family commitment that lasted 3 days and I got the opportunity to be in close proximity with him and his increased appetite became more obvious to me. He was popping meals as frequently as a deer poops.
That was when I started to wonder what the matter was. I was with my friend Helen and we reasoned together. She said it seemed he had replaced his drink with food. Immediately, I thought how that was easy and good therapy… or so it seemed at that time.
Replacement therapy is simply replacing one addiction or habit with another one. The replaced addiction is often perceived as a bad one that needs to be stopped. Sometimes it is not the case. Sometimes the new addiction isn’t really always the best choice for us.
Is replacement therapy really good? I think it isn’t but I think sometimes it is the only solution.
In a long term change plan, I think it is not the best option because some day, the new habit may not be strong or sufficient enough and then the old one could resurface and come backs are often stronger.
However, if there is a strong need for a temporary change, one can easily replace one thing with another while they wait for time to pass. For example, we can replace carbonated drinks with lots of water during a detox or we can replace social media with novels and movies when we are on a social media fast. I have effectively done a few replacements myself and the results were quite fulfilling.
I recently started a job and the office premises had not been fully furnished and so one day, when there was a very important meeting of the top officers, my department had to vacate our office temporarily for a couple of days. Our office was bigger and better equipped for the purpose of that meeting.
While we were displaced, we had to make do with a room that had only chairs and no surfaces. On the second day of being displaced, one of the staff who had worked there longer than most us had, came into our temporary space, beckoned to me and said; “madam, please come”.
I was instantly upset because he didn’t wait for me to accept, he began walking up the stairs to the floor where his office and our vacated office was. I walked behind him, murmuring silently. You see, we had tagged him already as a person who was very full of himself. He was the kind of person who had an air of importance and spoke with a kind of pride we did not understand. A few people had even complained that he didn’t respond to their greetings.
When we got to the floor, he said to me: “Madam, we have an extra table and I want you to have it. you can move it down to the space you have occupied. You can return it when you move back to your office”.
I said thank you and went to get someone to help me move it.
When I settled behind my new table, I started to wonder, what if we dealt with people without assuming. Easier said than done right? I honestly didn’t know why he called me, but I just assumed it was for no good. It turned out it was totally for my own good and of no benefit to him at all.
I made a few notes to:
Call myself back to order when I start to make assumptions.
Keep my mind open.
Ask questions when I am not sure.
Listen with my mind and ears
Avoid emotional reactions and try to stop them when I feel them surfacing.
Last week Tuesday, on the 23rd day of August 2022, I turned 40 years old. For this milestone, I baked for myself a four tier cake; one tier for every decade.
I had made at least three different sketches of what I wanted the cake to look like and on the fourth sketch, I had just what I wanted. The cake was meant to be a combination of the things that make me happy.
To determine the components and to properly plan this cake, I had to go through my mind to find out exactly what makes me happy. Coincidentally, my pastor thought it was the best time to take a few weeks to teach on happiness, a topic he has never taught on before. I decided I was on the right track. Praise God.
What did I find? I found that I was usually happy when I knew I was in the right place with Jesus. That place where you are certain He is smiling at you and giving you a pat on the back. I also found that I am really happy when I know that He is in control and I have nothing to worry about in my mind and soul. I found that my heart literally swells when I feel His presence. I didn’t know how to put that on a cake. That was the moment I decided I would spend that day telling of the goodness of God in my life at a breakfast prayer meeting. I did and I enjoyed it.
What did I put on the cake? On the cake, I decided I would put up things that keep me going in this busy and tedious world we live in. The things that keep me going when I am stuck or when I need a push. Things that help me relax after a long hard day. I found five things; coffee, wine, books, music and motion pictures.
The cake
The Base: On this tier, I made four roll ups of some of my favourite motion pictures (films and series) like Seinfeld, The Office, Downton Abbey, The Big Bang Theory, Mamma Mia and lots more. On the body of this tier, I placed screenshot images of songs by Dierks Bentley, Maverick City Music, Elevation Worship, Brett Young and so many other lovely musicians.
The Second Tier: This tier displayed a few of my favourite books to appear as though they were on a shelf. My favourite book is The Purpose Driven Life.
The Third Tier: I made this tier in the shape of a barrel. I love to have a good glass of wine or whiskey at the end of the day, especially a very hard day. I think it is one of the reasons I love Olivia Pope.
The Top Tier: This, I made in the shape of a Nescafe coffee cup. It is how I start a good number of my days.
This is the story of my likes, crowned by Grace from my God. These are the things that keep me happy.
One night, long after my son and I had said good night, I was all tucked up and ready for my movie for the night when he walked into my room. He asked if he could sleep in my bed. I said yes, but I also asked why. He told me he was afraid because of a story he had overheard me and some ladies discussing; about an incident that had gone viral on the blue app. I remembered immediately. I had been a bit shaken by that story myself.
He stayed with me and while he slept, I started to replay the discussion and I began to get upset with myself. I advised myself; I said I would cut down on my social media time because he is almost always with me. I started gradually, it was difficult in the beginning, but after a while it became easier.
Social media has proven to be a very important tool and medium for many of us. It has helped some of us reconnect and connect with school mates, family members, old and new friends and more. Social media has also helped many businesses and individuals move from zero to hero. It has also given a good number of people the opportunity to be heard.
In the same way that social media has helped many, it has also done a bit of harm to some.
Unfortunately, as we all know, bad is stronger than good. Bad has a way of swallowing the good and making it disappear. To prevent this with our social media activity, we must find a balance. It is not news that a balance in anything that we do is the key to a productive life.
If you have a healthy social media activity level and it does not affect your life in any negative way then you may have absolutely nothing to worry about. However, if at some point you feel that your social media time is affecting other areas of your life and encroaching into your productive time, preventing you from spending quality time with friends, family or in prayer, making you to feel sad or depressed because of negative news feeds or cyber bullying or making you feel less of yourself or if it simply just makes you sit and scroll for hours and do nothing then you may need to take a few measures to stop or control these negative effects.
One way to go about this is through a fast. Yes, you read me right. We generally know fasting is abstention from food and drink. Fasting has many other definitions but for the purpose of this piece, I will define fasting as a period of giving up food, drink and any other thing that could distract you and prevent you from focusing your thoughts on God and your spiritual growth for the period. This is a religious definition.
I have outlined a few steps and I believe that if you desire to cut back on social media or take a little break every now and again, these steps may be helpful to you.
Know exactly why you want to fast from social media: For every decision we make, there is always a reason. The first question you will have to answer before you begin your social media fast is the ‘why?’ in the decision. What prompted the decision? What do you plan to achieve at the end of the fast? Is it a one-time thing? Have a meeting with yourself and answer all the necessary questions before you begin as it is a personal conviction.
Set a specific duration for your fast: No matter what we do, it is always important to set a time frame to guide us. Durations for the fast could be 3 days, 7 days, 21 days, 40 days, 6 months or even a year, depending on how important your activities on social media are. For some business owners, bloggers or public figures, it may be important to take only short periods for the fast. However, you could still employ the use of social media handlers if it is very necessary for your social media presence to remain active but you really need a break from it.
Find and prepare substitute activities in advance: In order to successfully complete a fast, you will need to find an activity to replace the time you would usually spend on social media. You could decide to select a few books to read, find interesting things to watch on TV, take a few physical or online classes (gym, yoga, art etc.), games to play, schedule long walks or you could take the time to reorganize your space.
Journal the experience for future reference/appreciation: Putting down a few noteworthy thoughts and experiences during this period is important because it may serve as a guide and reminder for the next time we decide to do it again.
Decide how to go about it: Depending on the duration of the fast and the intensity, you will have to decide if you want to test your self-disciple and keep the apps on your phone and simply avoid opening them or if you want to completely delete them for the duration of the fast. This decision can only be made when you are honest with yourself.
Submit yourself to someone: This is a way of remaining accountable. Find a reliable friend or family member that can check on you for the duration and encourage you throughout your journey of abstinence.
Start your fast.
Just like any other thing we abstain from, it is likely that when we return to it, we may try to cover up for all the time we missed it. This then negates the entire purpose for which we started in the first place. The thing to always keep in mind is the reason we started in the first place.
I watched her over a period of time. She was always calm. Always put together. Never losing her cool. I never heard her raise her voice. I prayed to God to give me her grace and patience but some how it just did not work out.
I felt sad for my son and wondered if he would take offence when he grew older and remembered how my voice often hiked with any slight alteration in my “normal” life.
My neighbour is a beautiful young lady, I’m not sure how old she is, but I am certain I have got a good number of years on her. She moved in with her husband a couple of years ago after their wedding. A few months into their marriage, she became pregnant. We were told they were expecting triplets, I doubted it very much because her tummy almost never grew larger than a full meals’ bulge. Whether I believed it or not, the time came and she had triplets. All boys.
Whether you have had kids or not, we all know that along with the great joy that they bring, children come with a lot of change; schedules get turned upside down, sleep becomes a prize we look forward to and lots more.
Darren, Derrick and Denzel
As I write this, the boys are way over one year old and their mother (Martha) is still holding it together and being strong. I asked her at some point how she never looks overwhelmed by all of it, because I know I would… I have got just one, still I get frazzled quite often. She told me she has some alone quiet moments when she lets go and cries it all out. That comforted me for a bit, but something hit me. Her being calm and collected in the midst of it all did not mean she was not affected by it, it only meant that she decided not to let it affect how she handled the responsibility she had been saddled with. I took that lesson with me and I have been practicing a lot and failing some times, but like they say; practice makes perfect.
I certainly am not aiming for perfect, i just want a calm and happy spirit in my home in place of the dissatisfaction that comes with any “wrong move”.
I think God makes us different for His own reasons… but He made my neighbour different from me to allow me to learn her patience and calm. I am enjoying what i am learning. I appreciate the peace that comes with it
The ability to save money can be a tiring and frustrating thing for most people. There are many reasons that may be responsible for this. Some of these reasons could be the inability of a person to control their spending habits or it could just be a lack of available funds to save. Over the past couple of years, economies have become tighter and wages do not have as much value as they used to.
To be able to save at least NGN500,000 in a year, you will need to first and foremost, develop self-discipline and decide why you want to save. You will need to eliminate certain expenses in your day to day life and then most importantly, you must create a pattern of saving; this will require you to choose an amount to be saved along with a frequency with which this amount will be saved.
Let us look at some important ways that can help you to achieve your 500,000 a year saving goal:
Take a decision on what you want to do with the saved amount.
Identify and weigh your heaviest expenses.
Prune your spending.
Review subscriptions.
Make use of automated savings applications.
Save the money in a place or account that you will not touch.
Find a method that works for you
Starting a new habit takes quite some time and a lot of effort. It may be even more difficult when it comes to money matters. Every day we wake up, there is one need or another for money. Some of them are so needy that they never seem to go away. Like house rent for instance, just when you are about to relax after paying a year’s rent, you find out it is time to start putting the next one together again. Then, besides the heavy needs for money, we have the small ones that show up like phone services, groceries, gas and so much more. So it is quite apparent that without discipline, it is almost impossible to save.
Let us look at a few ways to achieve the 500,000 a year goal more closely, one after another.
Take a decision on what you want to do with the saved amount
Purpose is a really good motivator. It is very easy to do something when you know exactly what the prize is going to be. In this case, I recommend choosing what you desire to use the 500,000 for at the end of the period. For instance, you could decide to give your home a facelift, take a small trip, make some investments or even start that small business you have been dreaming of starting for a long while. Whatever the case may be, just be sure to put that goal in mind, this serves as a motivator for the moments when it may seem difficult to continue with your goal.
Identify and weigh your heaviest expenses
We all have that heavy money drainer in our lives and it varies from person to person. For some people it could be shoes, bags and clothes, while for others it may be their kind of social life or gadgets. Whatever the drainer is, it definitely affects your ability to save as you would want to. To be able to save 500,000 a year, you must identify that heavy expense and weigh its importance and its effect on your savings. For example, you can weigh and decide if it is necessary to spend money on an extra pair of shoes or save that amount and in turn, increase your savings. Discipline has a very important role here too. You need to ask yourself how badly you want to save 500,000 a year.
Prune your spending
Spending money is something you can hardly avoid. Every day, we find that there is always something to buy or a bill to pay. Some expenses are necessary while some are completely unnecessary. If you want to cultivate a saving habit, it is important for you to realize that you will have to change your spending habit and pattern. You will have to learn to pick more economical options for your daily needs. If you do not like to skip your meals, you can make sure to have breakfast at home and then also pack a lunch. It surely beats the cost of buying your meals from food vendors. That is just one example out of so many. Also, making a shopping list can help you spend less at the supermarket or stores.
Review subscriptions
We live in an era where most of life’s activities are carried out via the help of subscriptions. These subscriptions include cable, Netflix, music (spotify, Pandora, Amazon music etc.), gaming (PlayStation, Xbox etc.), gym memberships, Apple subscriptions, the list is endless. You will be able to save 500,000 if you review your subscriptions and find only one of the necessary subscriptions per category. For example, for music, if you are subscribed to both apple and spotify, it would be wise for you to choose the best offer that satisfies your specific needs for the fairest charge.
Make use of automated savings applications
With the coming of automated systems, it is definitely easy to avoid testing our discipline and to just set up a system where the amount to be saved can be taken from source automatically. For example, if you want to save daily and still achieve the 500,000 a year goal, it will require that you save at least NGN1,370 daily. So you can set up a system where NGN1,370 can be deducted from your account daily. Applications such as PiggyVest, Cowrywise and Carbon offer such services.
Save the money in a place or account that you will not touch
When you save with a target and a goal, it is always better to keep these savings in a place or account where you will not go to or touch easily. You would never get your goal if you make a habit of taking out of your savings. Banks have locked savings accounts that provide these options. Another option is the local physical piggy bank.
Find a method that works for you
In order to save 500,000 a year, you need to put into consideration how your income comes. If you usually get paid daily, it would be wise to save daily. If your income comes weekly then it will be wise to put away the savings on a weekly basis and so on. Take a look at the different ways to save based on income:
Daily – NGN1,370
Weekly – NGN9,615
Monthly – NGN41,670
Quarterly – NGN125,000
Conclusion
The rest is up to you. When you put all the ways and methods into practice and you pick a suitable method, saving 500,000 can be an easy feat. It just takes mainly self-discipline and determination. The key is to focus on the end goal and the bigger picture.
Ask yourself; is your desire to save stronger than the sacrifices you are willing to make?
Frequently Asked Questions
How much do I need to earn to save 500,000 a year?
Usually, saving happens after basic needs have been met. If you want to save daily or weekly or monthly, you will need to pick the required saving amount for that frequency and try to work your needs, bills and expenses to exclude that amount. So basically, if you want to save 500,000 a year, you have to have at least an average daily income of NGN5,000 to NGN6,000. If you have an income less than this, it will be advisable to set a much lower goal for your savings.
2. What happens when I forget to save for some time
You will require extra effort. It will be wise to try to catch up with the initial savings plan. You can achieve this by sourcing other means of income and making more stringent decisions.
