Choices

A long time ago, about 20 years or so, I had a window size poster of Michael Ballack on one side and Andriy Shevchenko on the other, I often found myself feeling bad for always having Ballack on display. I would sometimes turn it over to give Shevchenko a few days, but that was it…just a few days. I hated that I had to choose between the two even when it was clear I obviously preferred one of them.

Often in life, we get stuck between two things or even more and can’t decide which one to pick. We live in a world of choices and we often feel like it has to be one thing for another. I hate having to choose. I could peruse a menu and end up frustrated from the pressure of having to make a choice.

I listened to a sermon some time ago where the preacher had said he found his son in his bathroom trying to use his hair products, and when he asked the boy what he had been doing in his bathroom, he said he was looking for his dad to tell him he loved him. The dad then asked, “Did you want to tell me you love me or you did you want to use my hair product?”… His son’s reply was; “why can’t it both?”

Yes, why can’t it be both?

Life is filled with so many choices. Some are hard and some easy. For the hard ones, I often find myself wishing it was as easy as my poster, that way I could try both sides and get to pick the better outcome.

Shush

Everyday… every minute. Scrolling. What’s the content?

Is my soul quiet?.

Can I hear a still small voice?

Did I miss it?

Was it too quiet? Or was I not paying attention? Scrolling… Dark Blue app, Light Blue app, Pink app… App… App… App

Oh my soul, be quiet. I missed the whisper before.

I don’t want to miss it anymore.

God help my soul.

Feelings

It’s really okay to feel.

Feeling allows us to be human.

We often avoid feeling sadness, anger, bitterness, resentment, jealousy and a few other feelings.

During a particular down period in my life, feeling my feelings allowed me to heal. While I felt my feelings, I began to be honest with myself about the reason for my feelings.

In a movie i just saw, I heard the words again; feel your feelings, they were spoken to Teri Hatcher by her friend. Teri plays a 50 year old recently (2 years) divorced woman who thinks she may be going through a mid life crisis. She begins to feel somewhat better when she allows herself to feel her feelings.

Are you feeling down and sad? Don’t deny your feelings. Feel your feelings. You may feel better.

I would like to recommend something else that helped a great deal during my down time. It was the album Feelings by Chandler Moore.

Coffee for blogtober

I remember when I decided to participate in blogtober. I took my time preparing and studying on how to go about it. I had learnt that I didn’t have to wait till the main day to start, so I started preparing materials and writing very early in the month of September.

On the first day of blogtober, I woke up with a panic attack.  I began to doubt my ability to do it. I started to wonder if I should let my first scheduled post fly. Everything depended on that post; it was my blogtober intro post.

I immediately started searching for content on the disadvantages of blogtober and you can bet that I found enough to make me want to quit.

I found two disadvantages of blogtober that really worried me:

  • It reduces your content quality.
  • Your readers may get bored.

Then why did I still go on with it?

It had become a personal challenge for me. I wanted to see if I could really do it. I was intrigued by the idea and the challenge that came with it. I was also looking forward to hearing a big loud attagirl from me to myself.

One other big reason was my son. He had been in the picture and had seen all the preparation for blogtober and while I sat with my computer on that Saturday morning in panic, ruminating on the disadvantages of blogtober, he walked up to me, handed me a mug of hot coffee and said; “coffee for your blogtober”.

On this last day of blogtober, I want to say a big thank you to all my readers, knowing you were reading kept me going. To the ones who never missed a day, I say a special THANK YOU.

Beauty in Candor

“You’ve got no shame, have you?”

I got asked that question and I honestly began to wonder what the real response was. It wasnt until i got a compliment about my candour that i realised that it wasnt that i was shameless but I happened to posses too much candour.

TMI is what they may call it now.

A couple of weeks ago, my pastor spoke about how a member of the church said his openness about his imperfections had caused her late husband to give his life to Christ.

The testimony which was meant to be a compliment left him conflicted. He wondered why, with all the good news he had preached about for years, it was a story about his imperfection that led a person to give their lives to Christ.

I totally understand with the guy who related with the pastors imperfections. In fact, as wrong as it may sound, it is what drew me to him in the first place.

In a world full of people who either don’t know what they want or who just want to do what people expect of them, it is hard to find a person who is honest enough to be true to themselves, what more, true to others.

Well, I’m glad that the pastor stated his distaste for fake things, i guess that’s what makes him put himself out there as a real human rather than an “anointed flawless man of God”.

There is beauty in being candid:

  • It makes you free.
  • It makes people respect you, even if they don’t tell you to your face.
  • You don’t have to worry about covering up stuff and mixing up your stories.
  • People trust you and try to build connections with you.
  • It increases your own self confidence. It allows people to want to trust you with their own truth.

Candour is beautiful. Try it. Experience it. Feel it. Enjoy it.

Black Goodness

I lived in Lagos city for some time and while I did, my late uncle’s wife was a darling to me, she made sure her house felt like home to me and she made sure food was not a thing I had to worry about. Her generosity and love didn’t help when it came to my mental state of mind and she sensed it.  She once said; “Mimi bakes when she is depressed”. We laughed about it, but she was right.

Lagos is a tough city and isn’t for the faint hearted, whenever it took its toll on me, I would stop by the market, stock up on all the necessary ingredients, go home, bake, leave it in the kitchen for anyone who wanted to eat and then I would go upstairs and catch up on a TV series or watch a movie.

I used to love baking, not so much anymore, but I still enjoy it every now and again. For someone who loves to bake, you would expect that I eat a lot of cake. The reverse is the case; I could go months without eating cake. However, there’s one cake that I can never walk by without wanting to have a slice or two or maybe more. My blogtober challenge will not be complete if I do not use one of my days to share the recipe.

Black Midnight Cake.

Ingredients

  • 1 cup of coffee
  • 1 cup of milk
  • ½ cup of vegetable oil
  • 2 eggs
  • 2 cups of sugar
  • 1 ¾ cups of plain flour
  • 1 tsp. baking powder
  • 1 ½ tsp. baking soda
  • ¾ cup dark cocoa powder

Note: you need extra flour or cocoa powder on the side to dust the pans after you have greased them with butter.

Method:

  • In a bowl, combine all wet ingredients; coffee, milk, vegetable oil and eggs (beaten). Stir well till all ingredients blend together.
  • In another bowl, combine all dry ingredients; sugar, flour (sieved), baking powder, baking soda and cocoa powder. Mix all together till they are well blended.
  • Make a well in your dry ingredients and begin to add the wet ingredients as you stir, stir till the mixture is smooth and there are no lumps.
  • Pour in your greased and dusted pans and bake for 30 minutes. (2 pans preferably).
  • Try not to over bake this cake, it is meant to be soft and moist. Insert a tooth pick in the middle of the cake to check, if it comes out clean and dry then your cake is ready.

As a coffee lover, I think the main thing that draws me to this cake is the rich aroma and taste of coffee. Whenever I bake a batch for myself, I love to enjoy it with a good cup of black coffee.

Do you like cake? What’s your favourite flavour?

Re: How to Overcome Sadness

I read a blog post tittled How to Overcome Sadness by New Lune and in the comments, I told her I would write a response to the blog soon.

She mentioned 3 key ways she thought could be helpful when trying to overcome sadness. My response is focused on the first one; Pouring Everthing Out.

She said:

“I think it’s important to let everything out when you feel sad about a situation, a person or about something in general. The more you suppress those emotions, the harsher it will take a toll on yourself and when keeping those emotions down becomes a struggle, everything will break down in a harsh way which is technically not ideal because it will drain yourself out. By pouring everything out whether it’s through crying or speaking out, you will feel some weight off your shoulders”.

I totally relate to this. I recently had a situation where my reaction to something my husband did was very intense and didn’t match the current offense. After weeks of back and forth anger and bitterness, I found the key. It turned out that I had suppressed so many feelings and emotions and just like she said, everything broke down in a harsh way and it did drain me out.

I had already taken a few decisions on the way forward and then I ran into her blog post. I think a combination of the two will do me well, if I really work with it.

Thank you again New Lune.

Time Changes Things

Every human sheds off their outer layer of skin every hour, totaling about 500 million cells per day. This has been the explanation for one of man’s nuisances; dandruff. I guess it is not only the skin that sheds off layers. I guess the mind and the way we think get to shed off some stuff too.

After I wrote about how Su’eddie was a pain in my neck about an uncompleted project I had been working on, I decided to face my fears and dust the old material off and do a little work on it.

I spent almost an hour editing and rereading all the material on the file and I got really worried and frustrated. I happened to disagree with so many ideas. I also noticed that the writer of the material was too rigid and judgmental. I decided to check the details of the document and I noticed that I started writing it on the 13th of July, 2012.

That was me 10 years ago, judgmental and rigid.

Only a couple of days ago, I was talking with my sister about a mutual friend who had changed over the years and how she did not take offence about little things like she used to anymore. I guess time changed her too.

They say change is the one thing that remains constant, I am glad this change is for good.

Good Old Things

When I was about 19 years old, my “cousin” Gosha, in a bid to bond and create a deeper relationship with her dad began making trips to the town where I lived. Her father, who for reasons best known to him back then, had moved from the city where his family lived to the town where we lived, had a small apartment, somewhat like a bachelors pad; and so Gosha always stayed with us for the duration of her visits.

Gosha was and is a conversationalist; she can talk and listen for hours. She also is an arguer. She had my sister all to herself when it came to arguing though, you can definitely count me out of that. How they enjoyed it and laughed while at it, I still wonder. I loved the conversations. We would talk and laugh so loud, I remember my dad shushing us around 2am one night.

During one of those conversations, we began talking about old movies and Gosha recommended one; Gone With The wind. She said it was a must watch. About a year later, when she came for another visit, she returned with a video cassette of the movie. We promised to see it but we never did because no longer had a video cassette player as the world had migrated to Video CDs.

About a year ago, 20 years later, I suddenly started to crave old movies; I began feeding this craving one movie after another. I started with ‘The Sound of Music’ 1965; you could see the excitement on my sons face when he heard me singing along with Maria and the von Trapp family singers.

Next, I saw ‘The Godfather I’ 1972, then ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ 1961 and then ‘Coming to America’ 1988. One afternoon, while driving home, wondering what old movie to see next, I remembered Gosha’s ‘Gone With The Wind’ 1939. I finally got to see it… 20 years later and It was worth it.

Gone with the Wind is a beautiful movie, it tells a tale of a spoilt but strong and determined lady who must face problems brought forth by The Civil War and her participation in The Reconstruction as well. It does not exclude her love affairs and how they all played out.

After Gone with the wind, I made a list of popular old movies that I had not seen yet and then I began viewing them one after the other. I have graded them with stars, just in case you want to give it a go as well.

  • Father of the Bride 1950 ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Anastasia 1956 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Roman Holiday 1953 ⭐⭐
  • Casablanca 1942 ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • Mary Poppins 1964 ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • It’s a Wonderful Life 1946 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • An Affair to Remember 1957 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
  • The Palm Beach Story 1942 ⭐⭐⭐⭐

I have got a few more I would like to see, but I have not made time for them yet.

  • It happened one night 1934
  • Chances 1931
  • 12 Angry Men 1957
  • Vertigo 1958
  • Double Identity 1944
  • Imitation of Life 1959
  • Sunset Boulevard 1950
  • The Apartment 1960

Also, in the memory of Olivia Newton John, I decided to watch Grease 1978.

Is there any good old movie you think I need to see?

Who makes it cooler?

I had a young adult who had somehow become like a son to me. His mom, more or less ran stuff concerning him by me because she thought I was like a second mum to him. One day, something he had done that seemed to be off of his usual ways pushed me to have a talk with his mum about it. I told her how I had tried to fix it by talking to him but I had hit a brick wall. She told me she was shocked to hear me complain about something like that because it seemed like my words seemed cooler than hers, even though they were the same.

I understood what she meant immediately.  Growing up, I had my mum give me all the best advice, but there was definitely always someone who said the same things that made it so much cooler and different like my teachers, reverend sisters at the convent where I went to school and some aunties.

I realised that everyone has someone who makes things seem cooler.

Cooler in this context is the ability to make something more interesting and fun.

A few months ago I said something to my husband, I was so excited to reveal what I had learnt and he asked; “you didn’t know this?’. His words were like a voice of reason, I realised I had heard those words before and I actually knew these things, but it seemed like I had just heard them for the first time. I realised it was a “who makes it cooler” situation.  I have people who say old stuff to me and I go all “oh wow”. They have a way of making it seem better. Don’t ask me how? I am still trying to figure it out.

I am only glad that I found out that I was this kind of person to a few people, this has made me more careful and intentional about life and its decisions, people seem to be looking up to you, whether you know it or not.

I have people who make things seem cooler and I try to listen to them a lot for growth.

Who makes things cooler for you? Do you make things cooler for someone?