Day 2 – Self and Story

Journal Entry – Day 2
Date: 26th May, 2025
Theme: Be present

Activity: I spent half an hour offline…no phones, no screens, no music. I transplanted a few flowers from small pots to bigger ones.
What did I notice about myself?
I realized that being COMPLETELY offline is easily doable, I just have to decide. And just as always, I loved the time alone.

Submission:
1. How did I feel when I spent time with myself?
• I felt refreshed.
• I felt in tume with myself.
• I got a lot of new ideas, especially for my writing.


2. The Story of the Six Swans
From the perspective of  “The wicked witch”

A lonely woman sat at the base of a tree. She had been sitting there for over three hours, feeling lost and heavy with sorrow. Her heart ached at the thought of returning home — not because she lacked courage, but because she couldn’t bear to watch her daughter cry again.
Six months earlier, her husband had died, and the townspeople had blamed her. Whispers turned into accusations. They called her a witch. She tried everything to prove her innocence, but no one would listen. In the end, they banished her and her daughter into the forest.
Her daughter cried every day, mourning her father and the life they had lost. On one such day, as the woman sat beneath the tree, a man passed by. He looked weary and disoriented. He told her he was lost and couldn’t find his way home. She offered to guide him—she knew the forest like the lines of her own hands—but in return, he had to promise to marry her daughter.
The man agreed. He kept his word, and she later discovered that he was a great king.
But soon, she found out something disturbing. The king had seven beautiful children whom he had hidden from her. He feared she would harm them—because of the rumors, because of the word “witch.” She was devastated by this betrayal. After all her suffering, she was still met with suspicion and deceit.
One day, overwhelmed by heartbreak and rage, she lost control. In her anguish, she called out to the gods to punish the king’s children for the hurt she had endured.
And the gods answered.
They turned the six sons into swans, and his only daughter was made mute… To be continued 😁

Day 1 – Self and Story

I created a 7 day challenge for some young adults. To encourage them and to also get to know myself, I will be doing the challenge with them. We decided to do it every other day to take some of the pressure off of them.  We started yesterday.

Here’s my day 1:

Journal Entry – Day 1
Date: 24th May, 2025
Theme: Know Yourself

Today marks the beginning of my 7-day Self and Story challenge. The focus is on knowing myself—truly and honestly.

Reflection:

1. Three truths about me:

I create my own peace and joy.

I am very emotional.

I forgive even when I don’t want to.

One thing I want to change or grow into:
I want to stop doubting myself.

2. Who I am:
I am a simple person who values growth—for myself and for others.
I’m a thinker and a planner; you’ll almost always find me with a journal and a pen.
I go through life with quiet and almost silent strength.


3. Things that define and ground me:
Creativity, coffee, books, the colour blue (aqua)—these are my life companions.
Books, television, and music help me process life, hold space for full conversations, and find meaning.

If you were to associate me with certain words, they would be: grounded, present, and intentional.

Lastly, I believe strongly in the power and importance of family—and I recognize that family is not always defined by blood.

The boy child

My boy child

Thank you Katherine Igbende for putting up a post on ‘International Day of the Boy Child’ the other day. As you celebrated your son, you brought awareness to me. I didn’t know about this.

I went searching and reading about International Day of the Boy Child. I found out that it is celebrated every 16th May. This tradition which began seven years ago in 2018 is not officially recognized by the United Nations (UN), unlike International Day of the Girl Child.

From the very scanty Wikipedia page, it states it’s significance as; “Recognizes the importance of boys’ well-being and the challenges they face, while also celebrating the positive aspects they bring to their communities and families”.

I have heard a fair amount of women complain about the manners and behaviors of the men in their lives. I always tell them that it starts with us, the mothers. Children don’t groom themselves, and especially in Nigeria, we, the mothers are responsible for grooming our children.  If we focus so much on the girl child and neglect the boy child, how then can we bring up better men than the ones we complain about?

I fear for the boy child. If a day has been set aside to recognize them and almost no one knows about it, I worry for them. The boy child has come second to the girl child for some time now, and as we see the Girl Child rise and grow in confidence, strength and resilience, we neglect to see that the boy child suffers and lacks a lot.

The boy child may be an “endangered species”. This may be a metaphor but it is very real.

I also found out that the theme for 2025 is “Building Self-Esteem in Boys: Stand Up, Be Heard, Be Seen”

As a mother of an 11 year old boy, I am happy with the recognition of the boy child. I don’t know for how long he has answered to the nickname, but he told me last holiday that his nickname was Sigma. We talked and I loved his understanding and I must say that I was proud of him, and a tad proud of myself.

For whatever reason, the boy child has been recognized and a day has been set aside specifically for them. I suggest that we all rise up and work together to recognize the challenges of the boy child and work together to raise the men of the future.

Sarah

Dear Sarah Yahaya

I don’t know where you are.

I hope you see this someday.

The last time I saw you was when we left our secondary school in 1999. 26 years ago…but today I think of you.

I flash back to the days when you would tell us, “it’s more blessed to give than receive”. You said it jokingly. And we repeated it jokingly too.

Today, I gave and I felt so happy.

My dad once made the same statement my neighbour just made; “You give more than necessary”.

I think I feel happy when I give.

Today I want to appreciate Sarah Yahaya. Maybe I was born this way, maybe you influenced me. Either way, I agree… I feel blessed when I give.

Thank you Sarah

Thankful

Grace

I realized a few years ago that I use the word Grace a lot. I have heard myself say it in prayer, when speaking with my egroup ladies on our Wednesday zoon call and several other times when I speak of matters that speak to my heart.  I began to wonder if I was using it loosely and unnecessarily. I searched and I found that I’m good.

Grace is unmerited favor, kindness, or help freely given…especially when it’s not earned or deserved. It can be spiritual, emotional, or relational. In our/my Christian theology, grace is the love and mercy God gives to people regardless of their worthiness.

I looked more broadly, and I confirmed that grace can also mean elegance in behavior, forgiveness when wronged, or calmness under pressure.

You might recognize that you have grace when:

  • You offer forgiveness instead of retaliation.
  • You feel at peace even when things aren’t perfect.
  • You treat yourself and others with compassion, not condemnation.
  • You receive kindness or a second chance that you didn’t “earn,” and your heart softens in response.

Grace often shows itself in how you respond…especially when you’re under pressure or dealing with someone else’s flaws or your own failures.

Here are a few ways I have consciously allowed myself to have and also share grace

1. Slow Down and Breathe: Grace begins with presence. When you slow your pace…physically and emotionally, you create room to respond thoughtfully rather than react harshly. A deep breath can be the space grace needs to enter. This is something I’ve learned in the past 3 or 4 years.

“Let your gentleness be evident to all.” — Philippians 4:5

2. Choose Compassion Over Judgment: I am glad to say that I have gained a lot of trust from a number of people around me, people who look up to me by just simply being gentle and less judgmental. Everyone is carrying something unseen. Grace looks beyond mistakes and sees the humanity in others. Before criticizing, ask: What might this person be going through?

3. Be Gentle with Yourself: I have learned to give myself a lot of grace. Grace is not just for others. It’s also about letting go of perfectionism, forgiving yourself, and treating your inner voice with kindness. Self-grace builds the foundation for extending it to others. I have had the need to extent to others lately.

4. Practice Forgiveness: I am grateful for one of the gifts I received in life, the gift of forgiveness. It took me a while to realize that it was a gift at all.

Forgiveness is grace in action. You don’t excuse hurt, but you release the power it has over you. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting…it means choosing freedom over bitterness.

5. Speak with Kindness: Words have weight. A gracious person uses their voice to uplift, not to wound. Even hard truths can be spoken with kindness and respect.

6. Accept Grace When It’s Given: It’s sometimes hardest to receive grace…whether from God, others, or even life itself. But receiving it opens your heart to pass… I am still learning this particular act. God help me

In all this, I ask guidance and help from God.

The face of Grace

Shameless tears


“To the One Who Knows My Tears”

When the world feels loud and I grow small,
You hear the silence behind it all.
No need for masks, no need to hide,
You sit with me, right by my side.

You never flinch when the tears fall fast,
In your calm, I find my way,
You speak the words I cannot say.

With open arms and listening eyes,
You give me space to break and rise.

Laughter shared and sorrows too,
I face the storm because of you.
My safe place, my steady ground —
In you, a rare and real love is found.

So here’s my thanks, both soft and true,
For being the friend I cry to.


Life in a Year: April 2025

This was so unlike March.

April was felt.

Really felt.

Some of April in pictures

My son, SonTer was home with me in April. That’s more than anything else I could ask for. He left on the 26th of April for his final term as a first year student though. I’m learning to live with his absence.

I met with some of my primary school mates. I was seeing some of them for the first time after 32 years.

My husband went and got certified and got membership into the  Chartered Institute of Taxation of Nigeria (CITN). Big one as a professional accountant.

I said goodbye to a car I had used for a few years and said hello to a newer one. I hope we bond.

Easter Sunday was amazing…SonTer and I visited with my mother in-law and then with my mum. Beautiful moments.

I spent a beautiful day with some amazing young adults on a workshop session I prepared, titled ‘Connect and inspire’. We are still bonding beyond the one day event.

April was beautiful and I loved it.

See you in May

Remembering 40

I found myself turning at about 2:00am last night. The power was out and the heat was unbearable. After tossing for another 30 miuntes, I gave up. I picked up my tablet and began to write a welcome address for a few young Adults I was to meet with in the morning. When I was done at 3:15am, I decided to go through my notes on the tablet and then I began to clean up by deleting old and unnecessary stuff.

As I cleaned up, I came across my 40th birthday plan.

When I turned 40, I had a breakfast meeting with 40 ladies. The idea was to rub minds and share with each other. All went south for me when we were on the second agenda for the day.

The feelings game was an avenue for everyone to share something with the group. Before the game started, a variety of sweets were passed around and each sweet had a question. The rule was to share based on the sweet (question) you picked. Somewhere, somehow, along the way, the game got lost. People began to get up and focus on me. “Mimi did this for me one time”, “Mimi is this to me”, “Mimi is that”… It seemed like it would never end, and because I don’t handle praise too well, I began to cry and the tears refused to stop. The entire morning just seemed to follow in that line. I began to ask myself if I had sent out a silent vibe. I began to question the whole thing. Did they think I asked them to come so that they could say good things about me?

I cried so much, people began to question the tears. I began to feel out of place. I’m ashamed to say today, that I escaped and disappeared immediately after the photographs.

A friend asked a year later why I had cried like that, I explained that the  praises and attention were too much for me and that hadn’t been the plan for the day. She didn’t quite understand and so I didn’t bother to try to explain.

Today, 2 years and  8 months later, I finally feel better and able to tell the story.

My 40th birthday Breakfast meeting didn’t go as planned but I sure learned plenty from that day. At least I know what not to do if there’s a next time and I’m sorry to say this; I know who not to invite.

Easter Message

Growing up, Easter was always a dramatic rememberance of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, my Saviour. It was always fascinating and interesting, especially on the last ‘stations of the cross’ at our parish on Good Friday. Perhaps as a child, I never really thought deeply about the real meaning of the entire season.

One of the first times Easter really hit and shook me was in my adult life when I saw Mel Gibson’s ‘The Passion of The Christ’. I was demoralized. I haven’t been able to see it again as other people have done. It was so vivid and real and left me really pondering and realizing exactly what went down.

In addition to this experience, I began to listen to Pastor Steven Furtick a lot. Easter is his favorite Christian celebration and he tells the story well in amazing sermons. I remember listening to a Christmas morning message where he preached an Easter sermon. At the beginning I doubted it would fit, but it did. Who would have thought that?

Good Easter sermons can make you pause and think a lot. Just like today, at Our Lady of Perpetual Help Cathedral Makurdi, Reverend Father Abela shared a story after his Homily about a boy who decided to pick up and read the story of Jesus from His birth to His adult life. As he read and enjoyed the story, he got really interested until he got to the place where Jesus died. This little boy ran to his mother, crying, “They killed him, they killed him”. His mother consoled him, told him to stop crying and urged him; “Go back and continue reading, that is not the end”.

Just like the mother urged, Fr. Abela urged us to keep moving forward even when we hit the dark moments, it isn’t the end.

What’s the dark moment that looks like it’s the end for you today? Go back and continue…it will get better.

Amen.

Happy Easter Sunday everyone

What on earth am I here for?

What book could you read over and over again?

A couple of weeks ago, I sat at an alumni meeting with my mates from secondary school. We got talking about religion and prayer and one of us said how she had tried a number of times to pray for many hours but failed.

I couldn’t stop myself from cutting in to tell her my opinion about prayer.

How we pray and worship is dependent on our character and temperament. We are all different and therefore, do things differently.

I learned this from a book by Rick Warren titled ‘The Purpose Driven Life“.

That book has taught me and continues to teach me so many life lessons.

I have read that book in three different phases/seasons of my life. In every season, the book brought brand new lessons as they affected me at that time.

One thing I love about the book is the line that follows the book title…the line asks; “What on earth am I here for?”

I could read that book over and over again.