life – Page 33 – Mimi's Thoughts

Social Media Fasting

One night, long after my son and I had said good night, I was all tucked up and ready for my movie for the night when he walked into my room. He asked if he could sleep in my bed. I said yes, but I also asked why. He told me he was afraid because of a story he had overheard me and some ladies discussing; about an incident that had gone viral on the blue app. I remembered immediately. I had been a bit shaken by that story myself.

He stayed with me and while he slept, I started to replay the discussion and I began to get upset with myself. I advised myself; I said I would cut down on my social media time because he is almost always with me. I started gradually, it was difficult in the beginning, but after a while it became easier.

Social media has proven to be a very important tool and medium for many of us. It has helped some of us reconnect and connect with school mates, family members, old and new friends and more. Social media has also helped many businesses and individuals move from zero to hero. It has also given a good number of people the opportunity to be heard.

In the same way that social media has helped many, it has also done a bit of harm to some.

Unfortunately, as we all know, bad is stronger than good. Bad has a way of swallowing the good and making it disappear. To prevent this with our social media activity, we must find a balance. It is not news that a balance in anything that we do is the key to a productive life.

If you have a healthy social media activity level and it does not affect your life in any negative way then you may have absolutely nothing to worry about. However, if at some point you feel that your social media time is affecting other areas of your life and encroaching into your productive time, preventing you from spending quality time with friends, family or in prayer, making you to feel sad or depressed because of negative news feeds or cyber bullying or making you feel less of yourself or if it simply just makes you sit and scroll for hours and do nothing then you may need to take a few measures to stop or control these negative effects.

One way to go about this is through a fast. Yes, you read me right. We generally know fasting is abstention from food and drink. Fasting has many other definitions but for the purpose of this piece, I will define fasting as a period of giving up food, drink and any other thing that could distract you and prevent you from focusing your thoughts on God and your spiritual growth for the period. This is a religious definition.

I have outlined a few steps and I believe that if you desire to cut back on social media or take a little break every now and again, these steps may be helpful to you.

Know exactly why you want to fast from social media: For every decision we make, there is always a reason. The first question you will have to answer before you begin your social media fast is the ‘why?’ in the decision. What prompted the decision? What do you plan to achieve at the end of the fast? Is it a one-time thing? Have a meeting with yourself and answer all the necessary questions before you begin as it is a personal conviction.
Set a specific duration for your fast: No matter what we do, it is always important to set a time frame to guide us. Durations for the fast could be 3 days, 7 days, 21 days, 40 days, 6 months or even a year, depending on how important your activities on social media are. For some business owners, bloggers or public figures, it may be important to take only short periods for the fast. However, you could still employ the use of social media handlers if it is very necessary for your social media presence to remain active but you really need a break from it.
Find and prepare substitute activities in advance: In order to successfully complete a fast, you will need to find an activity to replace the time you would usually spend on social media. You could decide to select a few books to read, find interesting things to watch on TV, take a few physical or online classes (gym, yoga, art etc.), games to play, schedule long walks or you could take the time to reorganize your space.
Journal the experience for future reference/appreciation: Putting down a few noteworthy thoughts and experiences during this period is important because it may serve as a guide and reminder for the next time we decide to do it again.
Decide how to go about it: Depending on the duration of the fast and the intensity, you will have to decide if you want to test your self-disciple and keep the apps on your phone and simply avoid opening them or if you want to completely delete them for the duration of the fast. This decision can only be made when you are honest with yourself.
Submit yourself to someone: This is a way of remaining accountable. Find a reliable friend or family member that can check on you for the duration and encourage you throughout your journey of abstinence.
Start your fast.

Just like any other thing we abstain from, it is likely that when we return to it, we may try to cover up for all the time we missed it. This then negates the entire purpose for which we started in the first place. The thing to always keep in mind is the reason we started in the first place.

Purpose is the watch word.

Generations

In The Suicide Squad, a sequel to the 2016 super hero film Suicide squad, Peacemaker casually dismisses The Rat Catcher 2 with one word; Millennials. That one word was intended to serve as reason and explanation for her being tired and lazy all the time. I would like to think that Peacemaker, having only narrowly escaped the millennial generation, would be the last to tag Millennials as lazy and always tired. It is also important to note that Rat Catcher 2 actually belongs to Generation Z.

Although I must admit that when I first learned of the 7 different generations, Millennials did actually sound like an entitled and lazy bunch, it turns out that the former is true but the latter is not. I am a proud member of the Millennials and after doing a study on all the generations, it is clear that all generations are unique and their different and distinctive attitudes, habits, behaviours, expectations and mannerisms collectively give the entire race a lot to learn and enough to complain about.

A generation simply refers to people who were/are born and live(d) at the same period of time. This period is usually around 15 to 20 years. What are the 7 generations and what are they known for? Let me do this chronologically.

The Greatest Generation (1901 To 1927)

This generation follows The Lost Generation (often omitted in generation listings). The Greatest Generation is also referred to as G.I Generation or World War II generation.

This generation is truly great; most of them experienced their adulthood in the Great Depression and also fought in World War II. They are characterised by their sense of responsibility, humility, good work ethics, prudence, respect for commitment and their integrity.

As at date, anyone alive in this generation is between 95 to 121 years old. Some popular Greatest Generationers still living today include Dick Van Dyke (Bye Bye Birdie 1963), Angela Lansbury (Beauty and the Beast 1991) and Marsha Hunt (Pride and Prejudice 1940).

The Silent Generation (1928 To 1945)

The Great Depression and World War II had caused the preceding generation to decide to have fewer children.

This is a generation with a smaller population than The Greatest Generation and they are known not only for their size but also for their silence, hence the name. These are people who were raised in very difficult times and by very frugal and disciplined parents. They were often always spoken for and so they felt no need to speak in any matters; be it social, political or any matter at all.

This generation is characterised by their loyalty, thriftiness, respectfulness and determination.

However silent this generation may have been, they were responsible for the creation of rock and roll music and for forming the leadership of the Civil Rights Movement.

Some notable people in this generation include Wole Soyinka, Elvis Presley, Elizabeth Taylor, John Lennon, Bruce Lee and Muhammad Ali

Baby Boomers (1946 To 1964)

This generation was named because of the significant boom in birth rate. Statistics in the US show that over 3 million babies were born in 1946. By 1951, birth rates peaked and over 4 million babies were born yearly until 1965.

This generation is currently between the ages 58 and 76 years and is characterised by their confidence, self-reliance, independence and orderliness.

This generation has been assigned a few bad reviews, some of which are:

They criticise technology but they use it, a lot.
They are responsible for ruining the economy.
They are impossible to work with.

A few notable people in this generation include Bill Gates, Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, Michael Jordan, Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey and Johnny Depp.

Generation X (1965 to 1980)

Following the baby boomers, this generation, who are currently 42 to 57 years old, had to grow up at a time when there were many cultural and social changes. At this time, most mothers had started working full time and divorce rates had also increased, so a number of generation Xers had to grow up with little or no supervision. Most of their behaviours were thereby influenced by their peers rather than their parents or the home. This is responsible for their love for independence and informality.

This generation was influenced greatly by hip hop and rock music and they are sometimes referred to as the MTV generation.

They are known for their

Informal and flexible life
Ability to balance life and work
Directness
Independent life

A few notable Generations Xers include Gordon Ramsay, Idris Elba, Elon Musk, Tupac Shakur, Kobe Bryant, Reno Omokri, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

Millennials (1981 to 1995)

This generation was initially referred to as generation Y. The new name was coined because some of the oldest members of the generation became adults when the millennium began. Although this generation was not born with social media, they witnessed its birth and evolution and have become totally engrossed in it.

Common characteristics of Millennials:

Well informed and proficient with modern technology.
Result oriented.
Poor work ethics and career impatience.
Often seeking to be praised and want to be rewarded.
Lovers of collaborations.
Very ambitious.
Unable to take or give criticism.
Often look out for themselves.
Act entitled.

This group of people is currently between the ages of 27 and 41 years old. Some of the notable people in the generation are Serena Williams, David Adedeji Akindele (Davido), Usain Bolt, Mark Zuckerberg, Lionel Messi and Britney Spears.

Generation Z (1996 to 2010)

Also referred to as Zoomers, this group is the first generation to grow up hand in hand with access to the internet and advanced portable technology. This generation values their job unlike the Millennials who insist on loving what they do. They are very competitive and are financially focused. For their social and family life, they prefer physical human contact even though they are always in touch with people via their devices.

Other distinctive characteristics of Generation Z:

They are very independent.
They are not in denial about troubles surrounding them.
They enjoy the company of other people.
They love change and welcome it.

Their current age range is 12 to 26 and some notable members of this generation include Shawn Mendez, Kylian Mbappe, Jaden Smith, Ayodeji Ibrahim Balogun (Wizkid) and Jace Norman.

Generation Alpha (2011 to 2025)

The oldest members of this generation are currently 11 years old. This is a visual generation. As a mother to one of its members, I totally agree with this. They tend to spend all of the days 24 hours in front of a TV screen, phone, tablet or any viewing device made available to them.

As a people who are still being born and still growing and developing physically and mentally, it is safe to say that some of their current characteristics may likely change. For example, most of them do not like to share and they have very different diets from the preceding generations.

Conclusion

It is clear how different every generation is from the other and the reasons why. I happen to be surrounded with family and friends from every generation from the Silent Generation to Generation Alpha and I will repeat that every generation is unique and they all bring something beautiful to the table of the human race.

Caring Mothers Forum TTS

A couple of days ago, I was privileged to sit with some very awesome women and as we discussed, I was made to see a few things. These were not new things, it turns out that I already knew them, but I had never taken the time to appreciate them. As humans who often always feel entitled, it is very common to see an unusual thing as normal and probably even take it for granted.

In a couple of months, it would be exactly seven years since I dropped my son off at school, a school where I was given enough items myself as a new parent/mom. I was handed a bag with a few crested items in it; a Pink Tee shirt, a black baseball cap, a book; which I discovered to be a constitution, a lapel pin and a few other items. To cut this very long story short, I realised i had automatically become a member of a forum referred to as ‘Caring Mothers’.

The forum is probably one good thing i have always taken as normal and never really taken the time to appreciate. The forum holds meetings at least once every school term but because of the little percentage of asocial in me, it took me a little time warming up. I have spent the years meeting many women and some of us have become good friends because of our children. I know a few of us may have rubbed one another off the wrong way a couple of times but this has never affected the general gathering of these wonderful women.

Some Highlights of the Forum

Motivational, health and other talks: During meetings and some other events, a few moms get to share tips and ideas on the ‘how to’ of certain areas in life. Being a mom is not the easiest job in the world and can often get very stressful. These talks often help moms find a balance in their mental, financial, physical and social lives.

Christmas Party: One major highlight for me and I know a few other moms too is the yearly Christmas party. I remember gasping in shock when I saw a few moms dancing and having fun at my first Caring Mothers Christmas party. This party has a way of making you forget it all and have a really good time. It is such a great place to relax and unwind.

Inter House Sports Competition: Whenever the children have their Inter House Sports Competition, moms get to display their skills in some competitive activities. This event comes up once a year and it is always lovely and fun filled. The highlight of this event for me is always the March Past Parade; I have always been a sucker for Marching.

A few unofficial activities like the ability to sell our products to each other and also display them just outside the school compound has been a highlight for me and some moms, I have done some really good purchases there.
One major unofficial activity in this forum is the show of love between these moms, I have seen a number of times where a mom or two have assisted each other in tough and difficult times of lack, loss and even in joyful celebrations like births and birthday celebrations.

As a person who loves to see the good in everything first, I think it is safe to say that I love The Caring Mothers Forum of Towering Tots School and I have never seen anything like it or better.

Why can’t we all be the same? Part 1

I watched her over a period of time. She was always calm. Always put together. Never losing her cool. I never heard her raise her voice. I prayed to God to give me her grace and patience but some how it just did not work out.

I felt sad for my son and wondered if he would take offence when he grew older and remembered how my voice often hiked with any slight alteration in my “normal” life.

My neighbour is a beautiful young lady, I’m not sure how old she is, but I am certain I have got a good number of years on her. She moved in with her husband a couple of years ago after their wedding. A few months into their marriage, she became pregnant. We were told they were expecting triplets, I doubted it very much because her tummy almost never grew larger than a full meals’ bulge. Whether I believed it or not, the time came and she had triplets. All boys.

Whether you have had kids or not, we all know that along with the great joy that they bring, children come with a lot of change; schedules get turned upside down, sleep becomes a prize we look forward to and lots more.

As I write this, the boys are way over one year old and their mother (Martha) is still holding it together and being strong. I asked her at some point how she never looks overwhelmed by all of it, because I know I would… I have got just one, still I get frazzled quite often. She told me she has some alone quiet moments when she lets go and cries it all out. That comforted me for a bit, but something hit me. Her being calm and collected in the midst of it all did not mean she was not affected by it, it only meant that she decided not to let it affect how she handled the responsibility she had been saddled with. I took that lesson with me and I have been practicing a lot and failing some times, but like they say; practice makes perfect.

I certainly am not aiming for perfect, i just want a calm and happy spirit in my home in place of the dissatisfaction that comes with any “wrong move”.

I think God makes us different for His own reasons… but He made my neighbour different from me to allow me to learn her patience and calm. I am enjoying what i am learning. I appreciate the peace that comes with it

How to Save NGN500,000 in a year

So you want to save NGN500,000 in a year?

The ability to save money can be a tiring and frustrating thing for most people. There are many reasons that may be responsible for this. Some of these reasons could be the inability of a person to control their spending habits or it could just be a lack of available funds to save. Over the past couple of years, economies have become tighter and wages do not have as much value as they used to.

To be able to save at least NGN500,000 in a year, you will need to first and foremost, develop self-discipline and decide why you want to save. You will need to eliminate certain expenses in your day to day life and then most importantly, you must create a pattern of saving; this will require you to choose an amount to be saved along with a frequency with which this amount will be saved.

Let us look at some important ways that can help you to achieve your 500,000 a year saving goal:

Take a decision on what you want to do with the saved amount.
Identify and weigh your heaviest expenses.
Prune your spending.
Review subscriptions.
Make use of automated savings applications.
Save the money in a place or account that you will not touch.
Find a method that works for you

Starting a new habit takes quite some time and a lot of effort. It may be even more difficult when it comes to money matters. Every day we wake up, there is one need or another for money. Some of them are so needy that they never seem to go away. Like house rent for instance, just when you are about to relax after paying a year’s rent, you find out it is time to start putting the next one together again. Then, besides the heavy needs for money, we have the small ones that show up like phone services, groceries, gas and so much more. So it is quite apparent that without discipline, it is almost impossible to save.

Let us look at a few ways to achieve the 500,000 a year goal more closely, one after another.

Take a decision on what you want to do with the saved amount

Purpose is a really good motivator. It is very easy to do something when you know exactly what the prize is going to be. In this case, I recommend choosing what you desire to use the 500,000 for at the end of the period. For instance, you could decide to give your home a facelift, take a small trip, make some investments or even start that small business you have been dreaming of starting for a long while. Whatever the case may be, just be sure to put that goal in mind, this serves as a motivator for the moments when it may seem difficult to continue with your goal.

Identify and weigh your heaviest expenses

We all have that heavy money drainer in our lives and it varies from person to person. For some people it could be shoes, bags and clothes, while for others it may be their kind of social life or gadgets. Whatever the drainer is, it definitely affects your ability to save as you would want to. To be able to save 500,000 a year, you must identify that heavy expense and weigh its importance and its effect on your savings. For example, you can weigh and decide if it is necessary to spend money on an extra pair of shoes or save that amount and in turn, increase your savings. Discipline has a very important role here too. You need to ask yourself how badly you want to save 500,000 a year.

Prune your spending

Spending money is something you can hardly avoid. Every day, we find that there is always something to buy or a bill to pay. Some expenses are necessary while some are completely unnecessary. If you want to cultivate a saving habit, it is important for you to realize that you will have to change your spending habit and pattern. You will have to learn to pick more economical options for your daily needs. If you do not like to skip your meals, you can make sure to have breakfast at home and then also pack a lunch. It surely beats the cost of buying your meals from food vendors. That is just one example out of so many. Also, making a shopping list can help you spend less at the supermarket or stores.

Review subscriptions

We live in an era where most of life’s activities are carried out via the help of subscriptions. These subscriptions include cable, Netflix, music (spotify, Pandora, Amazon music etc.), gaming (PlayStation, Xbox etc.), gym memberships, Apple subscriptions, the list is endless. You will be able to save 500,000 if you review your subscriptions and find only one of the necessary subscriptions per category. For example, for music, if you are subscribed to both apple and spotify, it would be wise for you to choose the best offer that satisfies your specific needs for the fairest charge.

Make use of automated savings applications

With the coming of automated systems, it is definitely easy to avoid testing our discipline and to just set up a system where the amount to be saved can be taken from source automatically. For example, if you want to save daily and still achieve the 500,000 a year goal, it will require that you save at least NGN1,370 daily. So you can set up a system where NGN1,370 can be deducted from your account daily. Applications such as PiggyVest, Cowrywise and Carbon offer such services.

Save the money in a place or account that you will not touch

When you save with a target and a goal, it is always better to keep these savings in a place or account where you will not go to or touch easily. You would never get your goal if you make a habit of taking out of your savings. Banks have locked savings accounts that provide these options. Another option is the local physical piggy bank.

Find a method that works for you

In order to save 500,000 a year, you need to put into consideration how your income comes. If you usually get paid daily, it would be wise to save daily. If your income comes weekly then it will be wise to put away the savings on a weekly basis and so on. Take a look at the different ways to save based on income:

Daily – NGN1,370

Weekly – NGN9,615

Monthly – NGN41,670

Quarterly – NGN125,000

Conclusion

The rest is up to you. When you put all the ways and methods into practice and you pick a suitable method, saving 500,000 can be an easy feat. It just takes mainly self-discipline and determination. The key is to focus on the end goal and the bigger picture.

Ask yourself; is your desire to save stronger than the sacrifices you are willing to make?

Frequently Asked Questions

How much do I need to earn to save 500,000 a year?

Usually, saving happens after basic needs have been met. If you want to save daily or weekly or monthly, you will need to pick the required saving amount for that frequency and try to work your needs, bills and expenses to exclude that amount. So basically, if you want to save 500,000 a year, you have to have at least an average daily income of NGN5,000 to NGN6,000. If you have an income less than this, it will be advisable to set a much lower goal for your savings.

2. What happens when I forget to save for some time

You will require extra effort. It will be wise to try to catch up with the initial savings plan. You can achieve this by sourcing other means of income and making more stringent decisions.

Time passes and things do change

3 Christmases ago, my son participated in a chair dance competition and he lost to the winner. He cried so much it hurt. That had not been the only time I had seen him cry after losing at a game or sport. I spent the next couple of months telling him at any chance I could get how he didn’t always have to win at everything he participated in. I didn’t tell him not to keep trying, but I made him realise that he could win some and then lose some. I didn’t dwell too much on it and I didn’t even revisit the issue at all. Somehow, I saw him win several chair dance competitions and dance competitions at parties and I sighed heavy sighs of relief each time.

Today I was at a child’s party with him and next thing I know he’s been thrown out at the 3rd stage of a dance competition. My heart rate went up instantly. I was afraid he’d make a fuss, or worse, I was afraid he’d cry. To my surprise, he bounced back to his seat with a big smile and a little chuckle. I was happy for a moment and then the fear inside me came up for air. I suddenly remembered how in reference to how Will Smith had laughed at Chris Rock’s joke about Jada but later smacked Chris in the face, my sister had said “people laugh a lot to hide pain so sometimes it’s hard to tell”.

I got into an argument with myself about how he was only 8 years old and couldn’t put up a facade if he wasn’t happy and all. While I argued with myself, I saw him try to get into another competition. He was turned down…15 minutes later he entered into another competition. He was asked to bring his mum to join him for the game and I obliged. While we waited for the rules, I asked him why he was entering into all the games and competitions and with his usual bubbly spirit and a large smile he said “I want to win a prize, I will keep participating in all games till I win a prize today”.

I played the game with him and he won.

I learned some lessons today:

I worry too much.
Things get better with time.
Everything will ALWAYS be alright in the END.

I hope I learn these lessons long enough to use them as a guide for him.

I am the one

Often in life, we find ourselves trying really hard to prove to the people in our lives that we love them. Many times they do not even ask for this proof. Some of us go ahead to show and prove with acts of kindness/service, words of affirmation, gifts and so on. Some, if not most times, these methods go unnoticed and/or unappreciated. One can only imagine the disappointment that comes with it.

For some time now, I’ve been on an emotional joy ride. Just the other day, I shared with an egroup how I used to think that God liked me…but it only recently really hit me… He really really loves me. He loves me in a way that is so amazing, I don’t need to pull out any love language.

I have a piece I’ve been writing on the elevation worship current album ‘LION’. I should have it ready in a few days. One song from that album had me reexamine my entire relationship with my maker.

I didn’t choose God, God chose me. There’s nothing I can do that would make Him hate me. Every day I wake up with breath in my lungs, it’s evidence that He has chosen me again. He loves me. He loves me. I don’t need to prove that I love Him for him to love me. His love never fails. He loves the real me, not the version I show to people.

This realisation is amazing. It changed my life.

I would recommend this song any day, not only does it sound nice, it feels good too.

2 is a crowd

I’ve probably always been in a clique without knowing it. Way back in my secondary school days, I got punished one day, along with some of my close friends. We were being punished for taking our food out of the dinning area. It was totally prohibited, but we had a few spices and garnishes and so we had wanted to enjoy the meal in the comfort of our space. While we received a week long punishment, the words we kept hearing were “your clique”. We were 7 friends, unconsciously, we preferred to do stuff together and over time, I guess it seemed like a preplanned group.

In my university days, something similar happened, by the time I had been rounding up, I realised I had kept company with a select close group the entirety of my stay. 5 years.

Some years ago, I found myself in an unconsciously formed clique again…but this is where it got different. At the precise moment when we found out we were knit, we began to make it intentional. I would like to admit that those few years we maintained an intentional group friendship were some of the best years of my adult life. We were all strange “girls”. Each of us needing to be alone sometimes…and so we always knew when to give each other space. We all respected each other’s time and privacy yet, we were in all our businesses, we looked out for each other. We made plans and we made time to carry out those plans. One that remains undone is our road trip. We never got to do certain stuff, with all 5 of us in our 30’s with families, businesses and/or jobs to attend to, it was a tough one, trying to synchronize our lives for some activities.

Looking back at all the group friendships I’ve had, I have come to realise that I feel crowded by one on one friendships. I have some of them and I love them, but I think i carry traits of a wolf. I do better in a pack. The average wolf pack size is 6…that’s just right for me.

In the absence of a pack, I always fly solo 😁.

Grief

When I was growing up, my family took many trips to my mother’s village home. We took these trips to go and lay some very close people to rest. My maternal family has lost so many people. If I were to make a list, we would have over 20 people on it, each death hitting harder than the last. We would cry, lay to rest and try to get on.

I never gave grief much thought till I lost a friend and then a cousin in the span of 1 month. Grief is hard. Grief is depressing. Grief is many things. One thing I know for sure is; grief is felt and expressed differently.

While I was trying to recover from the numbness of losing my friend, death hit my maternal family again. We lost our spice (story for another day). I watched everyone closely and realised everyone was grieving differently. Some of us spoke about her often with tears in our eyes, some of us remained mute and held back tears, some cried non stop, some refused to say her name or listen to anyone say her name… Everyone was hurting differently. One year after her death, everyone is still grieving… Most of us still don’t want to say her name, some of us think of her with a smile, some of us still cry… Grief never ends. It was on that day of her remembrance I wrote about the sad truth/fact I have come to accept, life goes on.

Things I have learnt in my grieving period:

Grief is normal.
We can’t dictate how a person should grieve.
There is no way around grief. You have to go through it to get out of it.
Grief will last as long as it wants to, you can’t force it to stop.
It is not predictable. It comes and it goes. Hits you at unexpected moments.
There is No shame in grieving.

I used to cry while listening to Drowning by Chris Young but now I even smile sometimes… Grief gets easier, it just rarely ends.

Sad truth

Sometime last year I was scrolling through the pages on the blue app and I found one of Torkwase’s questions, it read; “what is the ‘hardest’ truth/fact you have learnt?” I started to type my reply and stopped right in the middle of it. I couldn’t write it. I was half pissed and half ashamed. I didn’t write anything. Today, 13 months later, I remembered that question and I have the same reply.

I lost a very dear friend on the 4th of December 2020, on that same day my sisters came into town. They were sad for me, they knew what I was going through. The thing is, when I woke up that morning, I had a truck load of responsibilities I had to see through. It was the reason my siblings were in town. I never knew that before the day would get going I would get the news about my friend’s passing. The next day was the wedding of one of my cousins. I was responsible for almost all of the planning.

I didn’t explain what I meant by “my sisters came into town”. My sisters and I have this thing. We can talk, laugh and go crazy for hours, especially when we haven’t seen each other in a while. I had been looking forward to seeing them for weeks…but when they got here, I was numb. I spent the entire 4th of December in a haze, running errands and trying to be normal. I didn’t sleep. Not even a wink. By day break on the 5th, I decided not to put a damper on the wedding and its activities so I decided to put up a facade and be merry with everyone.

It turned out to be a beautiful day. I ended up having a lot of fun. My staff and students cooked and served the food at the wedding and it was lovely. I had another wedding cake to present at the other side of town, I tried to do it but it couldn’t work out, Sandra ended up doing that for me and she did great. The whole family had a great day. We took lots of photos and caught up with all the family members we hadn’t seen in a while. After the wedding, we sat at my dad’s house and talked and shared drinks till almost midnight.

That was when it hit me… I lost my friend, it hurt. It really hurt but I went ahead and did the things I had to do and continued with my life. That truth shocked me, it upset me and there was nothing I could do about it, it was the sad truth… Life goes on.

So Torkwase, that’s my sad, ‘hardest’ truth/fact… Life goes on.