life – Page 34 – Mimi's Thoughts

Rest

Rest can be productive

I belong to a closed motivational group of eight members; today, being the first day of the year, I asked if we had any goals I could key into. One of us said she planned to get pregnant, one said she planned to make more money and lose weight and another said she wanted to rest this year. Her exact words were; “I have stressed myself so much in the last 3 years, I just want to rest now”. I know a number of people who may say that isn’t productive. They could come up with reasons why rest can slow you down. I can take a wild guess and say that even she who plans to rest this year may have thought it a bad idea a couple of years ago. At that time, she may have need the stress to get her going, today she needs to rest to get her going. Life changes and we need to take decisions as it does.

Rest is when you cease to work or move in order to relax or sleep or recover your strength. So I believe the period of time needed for rest depends on how long it takes for you to recover your strength. Physical strength takes a shorter time to muster but when it comes to mental health, I believe one can and should take as long as they need.

Only this evening I was telling my husband how yesterday I was too tired to continue a daily online fitness class I had enrolled in online. After I had spent almost one hour talking myself into logging in, I finally did. I clicked on ‘Day 5’ and the words “REST DAY, Your body and muscles need to get some rest” popped on the screen. My jaw dropped in shock. Apparently, they have studied the program and they know that the average human would need to rest by day 5. I rested. Today, day 6, I faced it without any tiredness or reluctance.

It’s the first day of January in the year 2022. If you worked (physical or mental) hard in the previous year(s) and feel tired and you feel the need to take a rest, please do. The rest may be productive.

I plan to do a follow up on this about the importance of rest but in the meantime I will conclude with the words of Alan Cohen “there is virtue in work and there is virtue in rest. Use both and over look neither”.

Enjoy life

Let your every day bloom and be bright like a daisy

Life is great. Even at the end of a bad day, we look forward to the next day because we know and hope deep down that the next day will be better. Everyone likes to quote “when there is life, there is hope” and it remains a fact. I feel that life can be better, if in addition to hoping that the next day be better, we add intentionality into making it better. In many situations this may not be easy but it is worth a try.

I’ll like to focus on intentionality in relationships. Relationships with our mothers, fathers, husbands and wives, brothers and sisters, cousins and nibblings, mothers and fathers inlaw, sisters and brothers inlaw, friends, colleagues etc. One thing that helps us enjoy life and have great days for sure is the people around us and people who love us and also the people we love. No one is an island. That’s another fact… That is why I believe that one major thing we need to be intentional about is our relationships.

I’m not a clingy adult. Growing up in a large extended family and being the youngest, I used to be a clingy child, squeezing into people to sit and holding on to my older ones. I don’t know what happened along the way, I can only now describe myself as a “friendly” loner. I dare say, I grew up to realise that I was the last born at home only and not last born of the world. As an adult I have found myself building friendships and relationships but I never get clingy. I think I’m okay with that. However, I try to make sure that I maintain peace and love within these friendships and relationships. I may go long periods of time without reaching out to some, I may talk to some daily and some maybe weekly… But in my heart I make sure there aren’t any hanging ill feelings. I intentionally make sure of that.

I believe that, if for any reason someone is upset with me I should make atleast one effort to make things right. The hard part is the battle against pride, very very hard. I have seen my good intentions win the battle 90% of the time so I’m going to give myself a pat on the back.

The uncertainty of the where and when of the afterlife should be our driving force to do right by ourselves and others. I have chosen to continue to be intentional in my relationships and not only hope they get better. I hope we all do the same because life if great, life is meant to be enjoyed and to be enjoyed with loved ones.

All I want for Christmas

All over the world, Christmas is usually celebrated as a period of gift giving and receiving and a time for merry making. The 25th day of December is the generally accepted date. Christmas day is celebrated by Christians to mark the birth of Jesus Christ. Even people who do not believe in Jesus have continued to celebrate it as a cultural holiday. Children grow up, knowing that they will definitely get gifts at Christmas time.

A few days ago, my son SonTer did something that got me playing Mariah Carey’s ‘All I want for Christmas is you’. I played it so much, I started to ask myself if it had become my favourite Christmas song. My favourite Christmas song has and I think will always be ‘O Holy Night’. It gets me everytime, no matter how many renditions of the song I hear.

… Back to SonTer, he had been having a hard time falling asleep, as usual… He’s got a wandering mind too, like his mum. I had sent him to bed but about 30 minutes later he knocked on my bedroom door and asked if he could write his Christmas list. I convinced him to go back and try to fall asleep and promised him we would write the list together in the morning.

Bright and early the next day, SonTer presented his list.

Yoyo
Christmas hat
A Christmas mug
A Christmas family photo

“This is what I want for Christmas” was what he said. I looked at his list and my heart melted. I am not sure what I expected but it definitely wasn’t what he was asking for. That was when the first line of the song ( I don’t want a lot for Christmas) came to mind and I’ve been playing it since then.

When he gave the list to his dad, I could see he was as surprised as I was. We wasted no time. It’s 5 days to Christmas and we are ready. SonTer’s list has been handled appropriately and we can’t wait to give him all he wants for Christmas.

After all, he is all I want for Christmas.

I think of you (Part 1)

A couple of days ago, I got up a little earlier than I had planned to, so I decided to snooze a little. My husband was awake of course… He doesn’t sleep much, so i asked him what the time was and if he could wake me up after 15 minutes. He told me it was 6:47am. I couldn’t sleep anymore.

If ever I catch the time at 6:47, morning or evening, I think of my cousin Imoter… And so on that day, that morning, I didn’t fall asleep anymore, my mind went to my cousin and then moved on to several other connected things, just because it was 6:47am.

I’ve always marveled at how the mind works, how you can just think of a person immediately you hear, see or do a thing that your brain has linked to that person. I also marvel at how you can start thinking what you are going to have for breakfast and less than a minute later, you find out you have wandered to just about anything at all. That’s what happened that morning. I started with Imoter and my mind wandered so far I lost any desire to sleep at all. This happens a lot, I always envy people who can just fall asleep with no problem at all.

Imoter went to school at the Ahmadu Bello University Zaria at the same time with my eldest sister. The school did not permit male students visiting female students in their rooms, so whenever he or any male wanted to see a female student, they would just shout out the room number. My sister Dough was at some point in block 6, room 47. So, the number 647 had to be called out loud enough to be heard. When they came back home for the holidays, Dough told us all how everyone in her hostel always knew when it was Imoter out there and then she mimicked his slow and sad “647” and that was that.

It’s been over 20 years, and there isn’t a time when I don’t think of Imoter when I see a number 647 or I catch the time at 6:47.

I don’t see him very often, sometimes maybe once a year. I rarely call him, but I can say one thing is certain, bro. I think of you… Very often.

A good old thing

When I was 19 years old (20 years ago) I bought 2 pieces of clothing. One was a dress that can be worn by a 2 to 3 month old baby girl, the other was a unisex pinafore jumpsuit for a 6 to 10 month old baby. I bought it for myself, for when I would have my own children. I didn’t have any children till I turned 31. I have a son, he used the pinafore jumpsuit when he was old enough to. It gave me joy to see my wish come true. I still have the dress.

The interesting part of the story is how those two pieces of clothing have become something I will always think about with a smile. In less than a year after I bought them, my eldest sister had a baby girl and I loaned the dress to her. I could have given it to her completely but I didn’t have the heart to let the dress go… besides, Suur (her daughter) would definitely outgrow it and she wouldn’t have use for it anymore… And so as soon as it didn’t fit anymore, I took it back and kept it safely.

Subsequently, my other sisters had 2 children each. The girls used the dress and the boys used the pinafore jumpsuit.

Recently I had a reason to remove the pinafore jumpsuit from storage, it is currently being used by an adorable little boy… He is very much like a son to me.

The pinafore jumpsuit and it’s current owner 😁❤️

I’ve found that I love to keep some stuff to remember loved ones by. One example is a cardigan and blanket my sister Dough brought back from university in 1998. At this point I don’t know if she gave it to me or if she just left or forgot them at home when she got married but that blanket and cardigan make me feel close to her and so I kept it. I can only imagine her shock when she realises they still exist.

I love to de-clutter a lot, but there are a few items I have a hard time throwing out, for example, I kept my husband’s cummerbund from our wedding for my son, I don’t know what use it will be when he is old enough to use it… But I would like him to have it.

Overtime I have come to realise that the older I get, the more I cherish old things that come with good stories. I sure still love new stuff but the joy of having antiques, especially the ones I have had a part in creating makes me get a feeling I cant even describe.

What cheers you up?

I may be having the worst day but when I eat a well cooked plate of beans, I feel better. For some people it’s ice cream, for others it’s alcohol, for some, chocolate etc. Everyone has that thing that does it for them.

In October 2017 I found myself in a very frustrating situation. I had just started a low carb diet and I realised beans had lots of carbohydrates. Growing up we were told to eat beans for protein. Yes. Beans has more protein than rice does and then it goes ahead to load up on carbohydrates too. No, I kid you not. For every 100g of beans you consume, you would be consuming 63g of carbohydrates and 21g protein.

I really love beans. I remember a long time ago, maybe 20 years ago or so. My cousin came back home from school. He had travelled over 500 kilometres. He arrived very late at night. There were no mobile phones then so he couldn’t tell us he would be arriving and so we didn’t make any meal ready for him. He was someone I could do anything for, I loved him very much and we were very close… I still do even though we aren’t so close anymore. When I realised by morning time that he had helped himself to my pot of beans, I cried, literally. I always had beans cooked and stored. He didn’t understand why I was reacting that way. He didn’t even believe i was upset. He only laughed. Yes, Imoter will laugh at you in your most serious moments and he’d get away with it, he’s adorable.

Back to the present, I’m 38 years old, I’m watching my weight and I need to be careful how many carbs I take in because my body has a love hate relationship with carbohydrates. Suddenly I find my self on a mission to find something besides beans that gives me joy. Something that isn’t bad for my body so that I can alternate with my beloved beans. I wonder what that is. Although I must confess, beans is the only high carb meal I cheat with and I don’t feel guilty.

I wish myself luck on my mission to find a replacement joy giver. For now, it’s still beans.

Sunday vibes

My son and I have a routine. Every Sunday, after church we go to Katsina-Ala Street to buy stuff we may need for the week from Ifeanyi. We started this a few years ago and it became a normal thing. Even on some Sundays when we skip service for one reason or the other, we would always drive out later to Ifeanyi’s shop on Katsina-Ala Street to do the usual.

Most people usually stock up on snacks for their kids for months but my son isn’t a one brand guy. He may want caprisone this week and next week it will be Fanta, the next week it could be sprite. That’s where the weekly stocking up came from. I’ve grown to enjoy the Sunday trips, SonTer has too. However, today I went alone and I went very early. SonTer decided to stay home with his daddy because it’s Father’s day and also because I wasn’t going back home after the restocking trip. My mother in-law needed to prepare some food for some guests so I was going to stop over for a few hours and give her a helping hand.

Like I said, I went to Katsina-Ala Street too early. Ifeanyi’s shop was locked but his neighbour across the road was open. His neighbour is someone I used to shop with, a long time ago… I stopped shopping there because Ifeanyi attends to me from my vehicle but with the guy across, I would have to go into the shop. This was not convenient for me from the moment I had a baby. The stress of removing the baby from the car seat and putting him back was one I wasn’t ready to deal with all the time. Today, that baby is a big boy, he turned 8 yesterday, but I’m used to Ifeanyi’s services, but Ifeanyi wasn’t here yet. So I got out of the car and walked across the road to his neighbour’s shop.

Ifeanyi’s neighbour is a fat short dude in his 50’s. He’s friendly and likes to chat a lot. Today he asked about my son, he asked how old he was and I told him he had just turned 8 years old the previous day. He marveled at how time flies and asked why I hadn’t had another child. I told him it was because I had not been given one by God. He told me to believe and that God would give. I smiled and thanked him. I bought all I had gone there to buy and just as I was leaving he said “make you try reduce your size too, maybe pikin go come”. On that note I said goodbye. I don’t think I will be shopping with Ifeanyi’s neighbour anymore. I don’t take comments on my weight lightly. Especially when I have just made remarkable progress in weight loss.

As I walked to my car. I saw Ifeanyi opening his shop. I noted the time. Now I know when he opens on Sundays.

Lilly

She was my first. I had shared one with my siblings at some point and then I shared one with my sister and mom for a few years…but this one was mine. All mine. We clicked at first sight. It was a cool night in October 2010. I looked out the window and there she was and my dad said she was mine.

I love to drive. Lilly came with manual gears, that was the first awesome thing about her. I love to shift gears while I drive. Another awesome quality was the cup holders. I’m a fluid person. I always have a cup of something with me. The only thing I needed was a good stereo and when I got that, we were all set. She took me anywhere I needed to go. I had a job I did for a few months that needed some out of town work, Lilly took me there. 2 years later I got another job that was 1 hour away, Lilly made sure I got there and back when ever I needed to. She never gave me any trouble. Also, for a hot town like makurdi, the air conditioning was excellent. She was good to me and I was good to her.

One day came, I decided she had to go. It wasn’t her, it was me. The thing is, I have always loved change. Every now and again I rearrange my living room, bedroom, work space etc. I always try to start one project or the other and sometimes I buy new stuff to replace the old ones or I just get new stuff to add to the already existing stuff. When it came to changing Lilly, I was really stuck. I wanted a new car but I didn’t want to let Lilly go.

10 years was a long time. This was an argument for and against Lilly. 10 years of bonding and going places together. I didn’t want to let her go. On the other hand, 10 years of serving and going so many places, she must be tired, maybe I needed something new.

On the day she left, it happened so fast. One minute she was there and the next minute some stranger was driving off with her. I knew I was going to sell her off but I never knew it would happen so fast. I had always imagined I would wait for weeks for someone to come along and then another week for handing over and stuff… what the hell was I thinking? Just like that, she was gone.

A few weeks after she had gone, I had dropped my son off somewhere and I was on my way back home and then I looked at the other lane and I saw her and my heart skipped a beat. I pulled over. She looked good. The new owner was standing next to her. I wondered if he cared for her like I did. I doubt very much. I made a U turn just to take another look at her. I drove past, took a good look at her and made another U turn to head back in the direction I was headed initially. I felt like a traitor. My heart hurt.

I never saw her again. One day my husband came back home to tell me he saw her, he said she had a new look. Apparently she got a face lift. Well. Good for her. Sometimes my son would say “Mummy I miss your old car” and in my mind I would say “de kulen mo ivav ga” but instead I would just say to him “me too”.

I love the one I’m with right now, we just haven’t bonded so well. I don’t even know its gender.

‘de kulen mo ivav ga’ means ‘don’t reopen/reaggravate a healing injury/wound’
It’s a saying in Tiv language

Zoe

In 2011 my husband and I moved into our apartment 8 days after our wedding. We had finally found a house we liked after days of searching and checking out several houses. About a month later, an adorable couple moved into the apartment directly opposite ours. I liked them immediately, i still do…even though they are over 6,000km away now. I maintained a very good neighbourly relationship with the lady up until 2013 when they moved away. Her younger sister moved into the apartment. We did not hit it off like her sister and I did.

I haven’t the faintest clue how it started, but her sister and I gradually began to grow on each other. we found out we had a lot in common and one of those things was fun time. It was funny how she was an out-doorsy person and I was more of an indoor person but we always found a balance some how. I still don’t know how it happened but we actually grew on each other. I knew she was there and I think she knew i was there for her too. we would go on some times for days without seeing each other but that didn’t matter. I got to find out she was very creative. she was inventive. She was never scared to start something new or try something new.

I remember one afternoon we sat at my bakeshop and she asked me to bring home one of my table cakes when I was done for the day. She usually bought them for snacking or to go along with tea at breakfast. On that particular day, she asked me to throw in all flavours. I wish I could describe the way she said it 😂. And so as I baked different flavours for different clients that day, I scooped some into a pan for her and the end of the day I took home a cake with different kinds off cake in it. it became a normal thing. Whenever she needed it, she would tell me a day before or in the morning and then as usual, all flavours would go one scoop or two into a pan for her. It was possible to have lemon cake, red velvet cake, chocolate cake, fruitcake and coconut cake in one pan and she loved it… she created it 😁.

I write this in past tense because she left. she’s over 6,000 km away too. I miss her so much. i remember when she told me she was leaving. she expected me to cry…even I expected me to cry, but I didn’t, but what no one knows is I was so hurt, I was almost upset. it wasn’t until one day, weeks later, after she had left… I came home, looked at her apartment and I went into my room and cried a river. I actually felt a bit better after I did. I miss her a lot.

What amazes me today as I remember this multiple flavoured cake combo is how I never thought to make it available for sale to others. I recently made it for someone and he came back twice.

It is on this note that I brand it ‘Zoe’and will make it a special at my bake shop.

I think i love my small town

After my mandatory service in the NYSC in 2008, I got a call from my older sister’s friend (turned out to be my sister in-law 3 years later), informing me of a job opening at her place of employment in Lagos. They needed an accountant and they needed him/her immediately. I was told there was going to be an interview in less than a week. I was excited about this news because there was something else drawing me to Lagos…story for another day.

Long story short, I left Makurdi two days later, I got to Lagos safely, I got the job and I started immediately. I lived and worked in lagos from mid 2008 till early 2010. I didn’t like it all of the time but I guess the city life grew on me. It didn’t matter if it was raining or if it wasn’t, people woke up extra early and hit the streets till very very late when everyone headed back into their houses. The word I would like to use to describe Lagos is “movement”. Every moment was an action moment.

To be honest, If I didn’t have a driving force taking me to Lagos I may never have considered the job offer. I’m more of a small town girl. I could totally live in a city but I wouldn’t enjoy it.

So for the very same reason I jumped at the job in lagos, I returned to my small town, Makurdi. I think I may have gotten a bit used to the life in the city because I think i totally forgot one major trait of small towns… they sleep.

Small towns sleep, they do what they want, when they want. I was made to remember this one morning in 2010, shortly after I had returned from Lagos, I had ran out of the house at 7:30am on one rainy morning to grab an audio and video (AV ) cable from the electronic shop. It took me 5 minutes to get there (one of the advantages of a small town). When I met ALL the shops on the street locked I became a bit confused. I thought, maybe they were waiting for 8am. It wasn’t till about 8:30 when some shop owners started to show up. I finally bought my cord at 8:45. I was really shocked. How did I even forget that this was normal here? After all I had spent only two years away.

Plaza across the street on a Monday morning

Fast forward to today, 11 years later, I still live in my small town. It’s another rainy morning. I drop my son SonTer off at school and head to my bake shop. My staff are not here yet, I guess they are at home, after all it’s raining. The always busy plaza across the street is deserted…On a Monday morning…because it is raining. I use my key and open up the my shop. I’m siting outside, enjoying my cup of tea while I wait for my staff to come to work and for the town to fully come alive.

I love my small town but sometimes it annoys me… Maybe most times.😁