I woke up bright and early looking forward to a great day at work after resting on the national holiday in celebration of Nigeria at 66, but it turned to a black Friday.
I lost a friend today.
He started off as a family friend when I was younger, and now that I’m married, he had become a good friend of my husband. Somehow, over the years, the friendship grew, and today, we are left with the painful reality that he is no longer here.
This morning, my husband and I woke up encouraging each other to love and live in the day. To take each day as precious because we really don’t know what tomorrow holds.
We ended that conversation agreeing that it is God’s grace that gives us the privilege to see another day.
And today, that conversation feels different.
Life is truly a gift. Tomorrow is never promised. Love your people. Say the things you need to say. Make the moments count.
Because sometimes, you wake up expecting an ordinary day, and before the day is over, everything has changed.
Today, I am grateful for the grace to be here. And I am deeply saddened that a friend is no longer here.
Tag: grace
Grace
I think one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to learn is giving people grace.
I’ve sat through sessions and I’ve read books that teach about grace. I’ve listened to people talk about choosing grace over resentment. I even remember one session where I was encouraged to choose one person to give grace to… I chose my dad. It wasn’t easy, but I did. And somewhere along the line, it helped. It didn’t erase everything, but it helped me breathe a little easier.
But there’s something nobody really prepares you for… What do you do when you keep giving someone grace… and every single time you’re almost ready to believe things are changing, they go and break your heart all over again? Seriously, each time when it seems like you’re about to let them cash in on their grace, they just go and mess it all up again.
That’s the part I struggle with.
Because I don’t want to become bitter or to to be that person that keeps scores. I don’t want to be the person who gives up on people too quickly.
But I’m tired. I’m not angry. Just… tired.
It hurts when you keep making room for someone in your heart, and they keep reminding you why you closed that door in the first place.
And then I start questioning myself.
Am I not giving enough grace?
Or am I giving away pieces of myself that I should be protecting?
I honestly don’t know.
I still believe in grace.
I’m just having one of those days where it feels really, really expensive.
The boy child
Thank you Katherine Igbende for putting up a post on ‘International Day of the Boy Child’ the other day. As you celebrated your son, you brought awareness to me. I didn’t know about this.
I went searching and reading about International Day of the Boy Child. I found out that it is celebrated every 16th May. This tradition which began seven years ago in 2018 is not officially recognized by the United Nations (UN), unlike International Day of the Girl Child.
From the very scanty Wikipedia page, it states it’s significance as; “Recognizes the importance of boys’ well-being and the challenges they face, while also celebrating the positive aspects they bring to their communities and families”.
I have heard a fair amount of women complain about the manners and behaviors of the men in their lives. I always tell them that it starts with us, the mothers. Children don’t groom themselves, and especially in Nigeria, we, the mothers are responsible for grooming our children. If we focus so much on the girl child and neglect the boy child, how then can we bring up better men than the ones we complain about?
I fear for the boy child. If a day has been set aside to recognize them and almost no one knows about it, I worry for them. The boy child has come second to the girl child for some time now, and as we see the Girl Child rise and grow in confidence, strength and resilience, we neglect to see that the boy child suffers and lacks a lot.
The boy child may be an “endangered species”. This may be a metaphor but it is very real.
I also found out that the theme for 2025 is “Building Self-Esteem in Boys: Stand Up, Be Heard, Be Seen”
As a mother of an 11 year old boy, I am happy with the recognition of the boy child. I don’t know for how long he has answered to the nickname, but he told me last holiday that his nickname was Sigma. We talked and I loved his understanding and I must say that I was proud of him, and a tad proud of myself.
For whatever reason, the boy child has been recognized and a day has been set aside specifically for them. I suggest that we all rise up and work together to recognize the challenges of the boy child and work together to raise the men of the future.
Grace
I realized a few years ago that I use the word Grace a lot. I have heard myself say it in prayer, when speaking with my egroup ladies on our Wednesday zoon call and several other times when I speak of matters that speak to my heart. I began to wonder if I was using it loosely and unnecessarily. I searched and I found that I’m good.
Grace is unmerited favor, kindness, or help freely given…especially when it’s not earned or deserved. It can be spiritual, emotional, or relational. In our/my Christian theology, grace is the love and mercy God gives to people regardless of their worthiness.
I looked more broadly, and I confirmed that grace can also mean elegance in behavior, forgiveness when wronged, or calmness under pressure.
You might recognize that you have grace when:
- You offer forgiveness instead of retaliation.
- You feel at peace even when things aren’t perfect.
- You treat yourself and others with compassion, not condemnation.
- You receive kindness or a second chance that you didn’t “earn,” and your heart softens in response.
Grace often shows itself in how you respond…especially when you’re under pressure or dealing with someone else’s flaws or your own failures.
Here are a few ways I have consciously allowed myself to have and also share grace
1. Slow Down and Breathe: Grace begins with presence. When you slow your pace…physically and emotionally, you create room to respond thoughtfully rather than react harshly. A deep breath can be the space grace needs to enter. This is something I’ve learned in the past 3 or 4 years.
“Let your gentleness be evident to all.” — Philippians 4:5
2. Choose Compassion Over Judgment: I am glad to say that I have gained a lot of trust from a number of people around me, people who look up to me by just simply being gentle and less judgmental. Everyone is carrying something unseen. Grace looks beyond mistakes and sees the humanity in others. Before criticizing, ask: What might this person be going through?
3. Be Gentle with Yourself: I have learned to give myself a lot of grace. Grace is not just for others. It’s also about letting go of perfectionism, forgiving yourself, and treating your inner voice with kindness. Self-grace builds the foundation for extending it to others. I have had the need to extent to others lately.
4. Practice Forgiveness: I am grateful for one of the gifts I received in life, the gift of forgiveness. It took me a while to realize that it was a gift at all.
Forgiveness is grace in action. You don’t excuse hurt, but you release the power it has over you. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting…it means choosing freedom over bitterness.
5. Speak with Kindness: Words have weight. A gracious person uses their voice to uplift, not to wound. Even hard truths can be spoken with kindness and respect.
6. Accept Grace When It’s Given: It’s sometimes hardest to receive grace…whether from God, others, or even life itself. But receiving it opens your heart to pass… I am still learning this particular act. God help me
In all this, I ask guidance and help from God.
Love over Hate
“And on the Night He Was Betrayed”… The Weight of Those Words.
I’ve heard those words my entire life, I heard them every week when I was a child until I was in my twenties, when I stepped away from the Catholic church. I still hear them whenever I crave for and/or when I attend mass these days. I never gave it much thought…but today it’s all I can think about.
These words are a solemn preface to the Last Supper, a moment suspended in both holiness and heartbreak. They are not just a timestamp in the Passion narrative, they are a portal into the deepest paradoxes of love, trust, and sacrifice.
What strikes me most about this phrase is its quiet placement at the threshold of what should have been a sacred gathering… a final meal with trusted friends. Instead, it begins with betrayal. Jesus, fully aware of what was coming, did not flinch or flee. He did not storm out or denounce Judas publicly. He stayed. He served. He broke bread…with Judas
There is something deeply human and painfully divine about choosing to love even as you’re being hurt.
Many of us know betrayal… from friends, family, systems, even from within ourselves. It makes you want to recoil, to shield your heart. But “on the night he was betrayed,” Jesus chose vulnerability. He chose generosity. He gave thanks. It wasn’t an act of denial, but defiance against bitterness. He redefined the moment… not as the night he was victimized, but as the night he offered himself for the world.
That is power. Not a loud performative power…but quiet, enduring power that transforms pain into purpose. Hmmmm.
When betrayal finds its way into our lives…and it will…we are faced with a choice. We may not be called to break literal bread or pour out wine, but we are constantly invited to decide: Will this moment define me, or will I redefine it?
“And on the night he was betrayed” isn’t a phrase frozen in ancient liturgy. It is a rhythm in the heart of anyone who has ever chosen courage over revenge, love over hate, faith over despair.
So the next time you hear those words; “and on the night he was betrayed”, pause. Let them settle in your chest. Consider the love that moves toward pain with open hands. Consider the strength it takes to stay present in the breaking, and the hope that even betrayal can be the backdrop for something sacred.
Maybe the true power of that night wasn’t in what was done to him, but in what he did anyway.
Reminder
Sometimes we forget how we got to where we are. I would like to say that at some point, I particularly forgot how I got through the year 2024.
I know it was God’s grace guiding me through it all but not until I had to give a response to a big deal in my 2024 did I realize it was my decision and submission to the Higher power that got me through it all.
At the beginning of the year I wrote in A FEW SUGGESTIONS how I had decided that TRUST would be my word for the year. I chose Isaiah 30:21 to help me remember.
I don’t know how to say this, but God has really whispered to me the entire year and it has turned out to be so beautiful.
My husband’s cousin asked me how I was dealing with my son’s being away at boarding school. She added; “I was telling Terver that you are strong. I wouldn’t let my baby go to boarding house. I don’t have that courage”
I replied her before I even had a moment to think. I told her; “Every move was directed by the Holy Spirit, so God strengthened and is seeing me through. God gives us grace for every thing we need to face”.
It was the very moment I replied that I realized it was all possible because I believed Isaiah 30:21.
What remains beautiful is the part where I kind of forgot about the whole TRUST and Isaiah 30:21 part for a couple of months. I guess my inner mind never forgot.
God stays true even when we don’t.
I have missed my son, but it was a lot easier than I envisioned.
It’s the time of the year again in Elevation Church, to pick our word for the next year. I will do it again…TRUST…Isaiah 30;21…there are so many things God guided me through in 2024 and I want to keep trusting HIM.
Waking thoughts
When I was a little girl, maybe about 8 or 9 years old, my dad had an office space. For the life of me, I can’t even remember exactly what they did there.
I remember making jokes with my sister; we’d say if anyone asked, we would tell them our dad was a JoPoBu… Journalist, Politician, Business man.
Yeah, all those activities went down there. There was a newspaper publication one time…The Public. There were business contracts here and there and then he never left the political scene.
Politics…that one finally won.
So back to this office space, we had Uncle Patrick in one of the offices. Uncle Patrick wasn’t related by blood but he was one of those… We wouldn’t call him anything else.
He was a good man and one of the few who genuinely loved our family. He would come by our home and we would have lunch and sometimes dinner…as a family.
One day after school, we were hanging at the office, waiting for someone to drive us home when Uncle Patrick suddenly shouts “oh my goodness, no wonder things have not been going so well”.
He went straight to a framed photo, turned it back from where it had been facing the wall, cleaned it up with a handkerchief and then placed it properly, displaying the photo of his master.
Uncle Patrick was a servant of Guru Maharaj Ji, a Nigerian spiritual leader.
He was convinced that his master must have been upset about his photo facing the wall and was definitely making life difficult for him. There was no convincing him otherwise.
I lay in bed just as I woke up this morning, wondering, asking… “Why do you love me so much dear Lord? Your grace is so beautiful…even when I am the worst…You give me your hand and say come.”
Uncle Patrick passed on some years ago… I’m not sure where he went but I wonder if he has changed his beliefs.
Scriptural Guide
Hebrews 4:16
Hebrews 13:15
Psalm 103:8
1 Peter 5:10
2 Chronicles 30:9b
Isaiah 30:18
Grace
We come and we go as we wish.
We leave or might I say, we are not so keen on Him when we seem to “have it all together” and run back when we need help, need a restart or when we get stuck and don’t know which way to go.
The thing is He is always there.
I like to think that even if he didn’t start out as a jealous God, He would very easily have become one now with the way we act.
It’s amazing how His being jealous never affects the abundance of grace He has and continues to extend to us. Nothing affects His love and grace for us; not the hardness or our hearts, the magnitude of our sins or even our evil thoughts and desires.
Grace, the one thing we receive so freely but rarely extend to our fellow friends, families, neighbours, colleagues, bosses, servants and all other people around us.
As often as I receive grace from God, I hope I can extend human grace to others too.
Is there someone we can give grace to today?
