When you are sure that you will see a post from Beth or Derrick or John every day.
Then you find that,
Derrick didn’t update us on the 28th
It’s 29th today. That is odd.
I’m thinking of Derrick and hoping he’s doing well.
“Sometimes the silence of a familiar voice is louder than the crowd. It reminds us how much presence matters.” — Unknown
You see marriage? It’s a beautiful thing.
It is also sometimes very difficult to maneuver.
Just the other day, I was sharing with Terver, my husband, about an Instagram post with a list of things a couple must agree on before saying ‘I do’.
That list was long. Really long.
As I went through the list, I realized Terver and I didn’t actually agree on most of the listed issues.
We have had arguments about a few of them. We have worked around a few, and we have each compromised on some.
From the ones we argued about, they helped us realize each other’s opinions on the matter. Some of the arguments and disagreements were definitely tiring and heartbreaking…for both of us… but I think it kind of brought us on the journey to where we are today.
As a lover of peace to a very bad fault, arguments and confrontations break me… but I realized along the way that it is quite difficult to be with or around anyone at all and agree with them on every matter.
Now, for some of the things on the list that we worked through, intentionally or unintentionally, I realized they were the blocks building and forming our story.
Now, for compromise, that’s where the sacrifice in love shows itself… but this can only be appreciated when it’s mutual. Compromise from one person alone doesn’t do it. It becomes a burden and ends up making the giver tired, angry, and resentful.
Marriage is beautiful, but we have to do it. Intentionally.
Are you doing it? Or do you expect it to happen automatically?
To quote comments that came from my discussion on that one Instagram post
There is no one formula for marriage – Terver Bossua
There’s no hard and fast rule for Marriage – Mimi Stacey Terver-Bossua
Link to the list:
So wrong for each other, but so right together.
The most toxic relationship I have witnessed on television. I shouldn’t love it, but I do.
I wish I could watch it again for the first time. The emotions…my emotions, were all over the place.
Empathy…compassion…passion…sadness…anger…
Shonda Rhimes sat back and watched us, “good people” root for infidelity…without remorse….season after season.
The show was good.
The pair was great.
Olivia
Fitzgerald
Olitz
You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?
I’ve never had a hard time coming up with anything like I did with the response to this prompt.
After two years, I found this in my drafts…and I decided, it’s not that difficult.
I decided to give my autobiography a go.
It started like this;
Strength didn’t come to me in a moment of triumph. It came quietly, in the days when I felt empty, moving through life on autopilot. I wasn’t broken, but I wasn’t whole either. I was just tired of pretending everything was fine. Somewhere in that stillness, I discovered that strength isn’t about standing tall; it’s about standing up, even when your soul feels heavy.
I hope I get to write it.
I Hid My Birthday on Facebook and It Was the Best Gift I Gave Myself
You know that thing Facebook does on your birthday right?…blasts your name like breaking news so everyone and their cat can write “HBD” on your wall? For years, I played along. Smiling through 300 messages…typing “Thank you 😊” until my thumbs cried for mercy. Can we be honest?…half of the people remembered because Zuckerberg whispered in their ear.
So, this year, I decided to try something different.Something a little bold. I hid my birthday on Facebook. No notifications, no confetti GIFs, no obligation to reply before people think I’m rude.
I actually turned it off last year, but somehow, I think the memory feed on people’s walls gave me away so it didn’t work so well.
This year, it worked…And you know what? It was glorious.
When I woke up, my phone was blissfully quiet. No early pings, no endless “Happy Birthday!” alerts. And here’s the part I didn’t expect…I didn’t feel guilty about not responding because… there was nothing to respond to! No pressure to craft the perfect thank-you post. No marathon of copy-paste replies.
And for the first time in years, my phone battery didn’t run down before noon…Turns out, gratitude can be exhausting. Really!!!
Instead of performing my birthday on social media, I lived it. I got up, did some cleaning. Then I studied…I had an exam at 3 PM. Adulthood doesn’t pause for cake, right? Hahaha.
I wrote the exam, and it went well. That alone felt like a gift. Later, I spent time with my son and my bakeshop family. We kept it simple: cake, drinks, laughs, and a few games. The kind of fun that doesn’t need a hashtag or a curated story to make it real.
When the fun was over and they had left, I curled up and wrote a review comparing the book and movie adaptation of The Hating Game (spoiler: the book wins). And before sleep, I shared a deep, meaningful conversation with my husband. No noise, no pressure…just peace.
Some people still reached out. Not because Facebook reminded them, but because they remembered on their own. And those few genuine messages? They meant more than hundreds of automated “HBDs.”
I realized something powerful: sometimes we mistake visibility for value. Just because your wall is full of comments doesn’t mean your day is full of meaning. This year, I got the opposite…less noise, more depth.
Would I Do It Again? Absolutely.
I’ll probably keep my birthday hidden forever now. Because peace feels better than popularity. Because living your day beats performing it. And because the best gift you can give yourself sometimes… is quiet.
So, if you’ve ever felt pressured by social media birthdays, here’s my little secret: hide the date. Your real friends will still find you. And you’ll finally have time to finish that book review or, you know, take an exam without worrying if your battery will survive the avalanche of notifications.
Sometimes the best celebration is the one where you’re fully present…with yourself and the people who truly matter.
Have you ever tried hiding your birthday on social media? Or do you think you’d feel left out?
I have held on to Isaiah 30:21 for 19 months now. The reason being that I want to be so near to God that I hear his voice behind me, leading me, telling me; “this is the way, walk in it”.
…and even though I didn’t always listen for the voice of God in this period, He never left my side.
He has dealt so well with me. He has been so kind and so good.
On Sunday August 10th, I listened to Pastor Steven Furtick preach in his 9:30am service (worship experience) on the topic ‘Not as Long as My Song’. We dwelt on David’s Lamentations and pleas in Psalm 13…but it was the last verse that mattered. It made everything alright.
I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me…Psalm 13:6. (NKJV)
That’s my song. It’s how I feel on this 43rd birthday.
I put together a few playlists to mark my birthday and in the one titled ‘Praise’, I couldn’t help but include ‘Been So Good’ by Elevation Worship (feat Tiffany Hudson).
I am thankful and grateful.
How much of fiction is actually fiction?
I mean, how much of it isn’t conceived from a previous event?…
…From a memory or from a tale we heard or even an event we witnessed?
I’ve been doing a bit of fiction in my spare time.
Half of it springs from real life events I’ve witnessed. Only I just build my own story away from it.
I remember how I frowned at the producers of Bob ❤️ Abishola. I thought they didn’t do their homework well.
I didn’t understand how they wanted us to believe Aboshola’s mum couldn’t get the simple abc of a video call.
Today my sisters and I spent an hour on a video call with my mum.
I guess the producers of Bob ❤️ Abishola actually didn’t make that up.
What percentage of fiction is fiction?
Write it
Don’t worry
Someone who needs it will find it
Not everyone will like it
But it’s worth the risk
The risk of writing something that is not popular
Writing isn’t for popularity
It’s the spilling of the mind
Spit it out
Let them who need it find it
I remember when the year started, I usually had well made out collages and a properly written piece to go with the collage. This went well in January and February. I struggled in March and it’s been a real battle since then.
What happened? I don’t know.
Well, here’s the July version of my ‘Life in a Year’ series…two days later than usual.
First off, I had so many quiet reflections in the month and I love the revelations and decisions that came after.
I read a book with my “son” Kator; The Dating Game by Sandy Barker. We enjoyed analyzing and discussing the book. He didn’t want it to end, he enjoyed it too much. I had to make him finish it.
I wrote a short story titled The Roommate Contract. I think it needs a little more work or a good editor.
I attended a wedding with my husband and I loved it.
My son SonTer came home for a 7 week break. Grade 8, here we come.
I painted for the first time in my life. A yellow/orange sunset.
I have a piece for the plant in the collage. I will share this soon.
I’m usually grumpy in the morning.
…not today
Today I woke up to a compliment.
I was still battling with snoozing my morning alarm for the umpteenth time when I heard “No one would ever believe you are about to be 43. Just look at how young and pretty you look”.
I woke up.
I started rambling. Recalling and retelling several occasions where people assumed I was younger. I was happy.
Today I was a morning person…thanks to Terver.
I guess we all have our magic.
