There’s something I’ve been quietly thinking about for some time now. You know how we are when something is really good?… A meal that surprises you…. That first sip of coffee when you didn’t even realize how much you needed it…. A movie that holds your attention so completely you forget everything else exists…. A song that feels like it understands you… A book that is so good, it stays with you long after the pages close at ‘the end’.
We don’t hold back in those moments.
We say it freely… “Wow, this is so good.”… “I love this.”… “This is amazing.”
There’s no hesitation. No filtering. No shame. So I’ve been wondering…
Why do we go quiet in other moments that feel just as good… sometimes even more?
I’m speaking about those personal/private experiences. Those moments of closeness, joy, connection… we often soften our reactions. We feel deeply… but express lightly. We say less than we mean or sometimes we even hold back words that are already sitting on our lips. We just refuse to acknowledge the feeling and how good it is… And it’s so subtle that we don’t even question it.
We just… do it.
As I continued to think about this, I said to myself, we don’t do this because anyone sat us down and said, “Don’t express joy.”
But in small, quiet ways, we learned: Don’t be too much… Don’t be too open… Don’t say everything you feel. So we became skilled at managing ourselves. I know I am.
We learned how to respond appropriately instead of honestly. We say: “That was nice.” or “I enjoyed that.” But we hesitate to say exactly how we feel. Things like “This feels really good.”… “I’m fully in this moment.”… “This is affecting me more than I expected.”
We prefer to play safe we refuse to let ourselves be real.
Now, the area that I ponder on a little more is in shared experiences. The withholding of words to express our feeling and/or the silence doesn’t just affect us, it affects the connection. Because there’s another person there. Another human being, present in the same moment, possibly wondering: Is this landing well? Are we both here? Does this matter to you too?
Have the right expression gives reassurance, clarity and it also deepens the connection. I think without it, something will always be missing.
After all the thought, I don’t think it’s one single reason that holds us back. Sometimes it’s fear… of sounding awkward, or too expressive, or misunderstood.
Sometimes it’s unfamiliarity… we were never really taught how to express enjoyment clearly. I certainly was never taught that.
And sometimes… it’s vulnerability… We don’t want to risk it and be too emotionally exposed…. Because saying “this feels good” is not just about the moment, it’s about allowing yourself to be seen in that moment. Being seen fully and honestly is not always easy.
But then, holding back costs us something or things. We don’t just protect ourselves, we limit the experience… something meant to be deep, shared, and alive is now made to look composed and quieter than it needs to be and slightly distant too.
We can decide to let go and feel it and express it and say it and do it
For example, when you are in a church congregation and you feel deeply moved, don’t keep your hands down or your tears hidden… Or in the heat of a romantic moment where the words “I love you” sit heavily on your tongue, let it out, say what you feel…. at work when a brilliant idea comes to mind, don’t swallow it… among friends and family, say exactly how their presence makes you feel.
Let be expressive, not loudly… Not performatively. Just honestly.
Whe we do, something shifts. Expression becomes feedback… Feedback builds trust… Trust deepens the moment. And suddenly, you’re not just having an experience… you’re inside it. And the other person is too.
This is the kind of honesty I’m learning to lean into. I’m learning to say: this is what I’m feeling… This is where I am… This matters to me…. No overthinking… No editing. Just awareness… spoken out loud. Not for approval. Not for performance. Just for presence.
I have practiced holding back and I am good at it. So I think it’s time to practice something new and master it. I’m learning that Life Is not meant to be experienced halfway.
We don’t hold back when the food is good. We don’t apologize when a song moves us. So maybe we don’t have to hold back in other meaningful moments either… Because sometimes, the difference between a good experience and a deeply fulfilling one… is simply being willing to say it.
