Mimi's Thoughts

Lilly

She was my first. I had shared one with my siblings at some point and then I shared one with my sister and mom for a few years…but this one was mine. All mine. We clicked at first sight. It was a cool night in October 2010. I looked out the window and there she was and my dad said she was mine.

I love to drive. Lilly came with manual gears, that was the first awesome thing about her. I love to shift gears while I drive. Another awesome quality was the cup holders. I’m a fluid person. I always have a cup of something with me. The only thing I needed was a good stereo and when I got that, we were all set. She took me anywhere I needed to go. I had a job I did for a few months that needed some out of town work, Lilly took me there. 2 years later I got another job that was 1 hour away, Lilly made sure I got there and back when ever I needed to. She never gave me any trouble. Also, for a hot town like makurdi, the air conditioning was excellent. She was good to me and I was good to her.

One day came, I decided she had to go. It wasn’t her, it was me. The thing is, I have always loved change. Every now and again I rearrange my living room, bedroom, work space etc. I always try to start one project or the other and sometimes I buy new stuff to replace the old ones or I just get new stuff to add to the already existing stuff. When it came to changing Lilly, I was really stuck. I wanted a new car but I didn’t want to let Lilly go.

10 years was a long time. This was an argument for and against Lilly. 10 years of bonding and going places together. I didn’t want to let her go. On the other hand, 10 years of serving and going so many places, she must be tired, maybe I needed something new.

On the day she left, it happened so fast. One minute she was there and the next minute some stranger was driving off with her. I knew I was going to sell her off but I never knew it would happen so fast. I had always imagined I would wait for weeks for someone to come along and then another week for handing over and stuff… what the hell was I thinking? Just like that, she was gone.

A few weeks after she had gone, I had dropped my son off somewhere and I was on my way back home and then I looked at the other lane and I saw her and my heart skipped a beat. I pulled over. She looked good. The new owner was standing next to her. I wondered if he cared for her like I did. I doubt very much. I made a U turn just to take another look at her. I drove past, took a good look at her and made another U turn to head back in the direction I was headed initially. I felt like a traitor. My heart hurt.

I never saw her again. One day my husband came back home to tell me he saw her, he said she had a new look. Apparently she got a face lift. Well. Good for her. Sometimes my son would say “Mummy I miss your old car” and in my mind I would say “de kulen mo ivav ga” but instead I would just say to him “me too”.

I love the one I’m with right now, we just haven’t bonded so well. I don’t even know its gender.

‘de kulen mo ivav ga’ means ‘don’t reopen/reaggravate a healing injury/wound’
It’s a saying in Tiv language

Zoe

In 2011 my husband and I moved into our apartment 8 days after our wedding. We had finally found a house we liked after days of searching and checking out several houses. About a month later, an adorable couple moved into the apartment directly opposite ours. I liked them immediately, i still do…even though they are over 6,000km away now. I maintained a very good neighbourly relationship with the lady up until 2013 when they moved away. Her younger sister moved into the apartment. We did not hit it off like her sister and I did.

I haven’t the faintest clue how it started, but her sister and I gradually began to grow on each other. we found out we had a lot in common and one of those things was fun time. It was funny how she was an out-doorsy person and I was more of an indoor person but we always found a balance some how. I still don’t know how it happened but we actually grew on each other. I knew she was there and I think she knew i was there for her too. we would go on some times for days without seeing each other but that didn’t matter. I got to find out she was very creative. she was inventive. She was never scared to start something new or try something new.

I remember one afternoon we sat at my bakeshop and she asked me to bring home one of my table cakes when I was done for the day. She usually bought them for snacking or to go along with tea at breakfast. On that particular day, she asked me to throw in all flavours. I wish I could describe the way she said it 😂. And so as I baked different flavours for different clients that day, I scooped some into a pan for her and the end of the day I took home a cake with different kinds off cake in it. it became a normal thing. Whenever she needed it, she would tell me a day before or in the morning and then as usual, all flavours would go one scoop or two into a pan for her. It was possible to have lemon cake, red velvet cake, chocolate cake, fruitcake and coconut cake in one pan and she loved it… she created it 😁.

I write this in past tense because she left. she’s over 6,000 km away too. I miss her so much. i remember when she told me she was leaving. she expected me to cry…even I expected me to cry, but I didn’t, but what no one knows is I was so hurt, I was almost upset. it wasn’t until one day, weeks later, after she had left… I came home, looked at her apartment and I went into my room and cried a river. I actually felt a bit better after I did. I miss her a lot.

What amazes me today as I remember this multiple flavoured cake combo is how I never thought to make it available for sale to others. I recently made it for someone and he came back twice.

It is on this note that I brand it ‘Zoe’and will make it a special at my bake shop.

I think i love my small town

After my mandatory service in the NYSC in 2008, I got a call from my older sister’s friend (turned out to be my sister in-law 3 years later), informing me of a job opening at her place of employment in Lagos. They needed an accountant and they needed him/her immediately. I was told there was going to be an interview in less than a week. I was excited about this news because there was something else drawing me to Lagos…story for another day.

Long story short, I left Makurdi two days later, I got to Lagos safely, I got the job and I started immediately. I lived and worked in lagos from mid 2008 till early 2010. I didn’t like it all of the time but I guess the city life grew on me. It didn’t matter if it was raining or if it wasn’t, people woke up extra early and hit the streets till very very late when everyone headed back into their houses. The word I would like to use to describe Lagos is “movement”. Every moment was an action moment.

To be honest, If I didn’t have a driving force taking me to Lagos I may never have considered the job offer. I’m more of a small town girl. I could totally live in a city but I wouldn’t enjoy it.

So for the very same reason I jumped at the job in lagos, I returned to my small town, Makurdi. I think I may have gotten a bit used to the life in the city because I think i totally forgot one major trait of small towns… they sleep.

Small towns sleep, they do what they want, when they want. I was made to remember this one morning in 2010, shortly after I had returned from Lagos, I had ran out of the house at 7:30am on one rainy morning to grab an audio and video (AV ) cable from the electronic shop. It took me 5 minutes to get there (one of the advantages of a small town). When I met ALL the shops on the street locked I became a bit confused. I thought, maybe they were waiting for 8am. It wasn’t till about 8:30 when some shop owners started to show up. I finally bought my cord at 8:45. I was really shocked. How did I even forget that this was normal here? After all I had spent only two years away.

Plaza across the street on a Monday morning

Fast forward to today, 11 years later, I still live in my small town. It’s another rainy morning. I drop my son SonTer off at school and head to my bake shop. My staff are not here yet, I guess they are at home, after all it’s raining. The always busy plaza across the street is deserted…On a Monday morning…because it is raining. I use my key and open up the my shop. I’m siting outside, enjoying my cup of tea while I wait for my staff to come to work and for the town to fully come alive.

I love my small town but sometimes it annoys me… Maybe most times.😁

Happy birthday Asomy

You would have been 43 years old today. I hope you are dancing up there in heaven because I know that’s exactly what you would have been doing here by now. When you left us and I went searching for words and quotes of consolation, I found one that couldn’t have said it any better. It started “a limb has fallen from the family tree”. You see, when you left, that’s how it felt. You were a very vital limb, you held most of the tree together.

I have been struggling with words to say or write to you, to express exactly how I have been feeling since you left. Words to help with a little relief… the words refuse to come. You see, I found out a while ago that when I write, I feel better or might I say, lighter. Also, I wanted to write because we all know how much you loved to read, so I told myself writing was another way to express how I feel about your absence, perhaps you would read it. I tried to compare your absence with the absence of a vital spice in a meal but I couldn’t find the right spice to describe you for whatever meal I thought about. You weren’t one spice, you were a combination of many spices.

Asomy, since you’ve been gone, we have been missing you. Everyone seems to be handling it differently, I guess we are all different. While some of us may try to mention you fondly in some memories, some of us can’t keep it together when your name or anything about you is brought to remembrance. I have learned, people handle grief in different ways. I also learned that it doesn’t get easier with time, people just learn to handle it better.

Asomy, since you’ve been gone, I fight a battle of words within me everyday. You see, I was grieving the loss of my friend when you left, I got a double blow and it really hurt. I tell myself that you are both happy and in a better place and just when I think I’ve convinced myself, I begin to remind myself of how much it hurt. When will this battle within end? I hope it does really soon because I really believe you are in a better place, it only hurts to know you won’t be back… oh there I go again.

We love you. We will carry on family gatherings and togetherness just like you did.

I love you. I will always remember you.

Happy birthday over there.

Drink some air

My mum is one of the people who know how to actually care for themselves. Most of the people in the world, myself included, often neglect the fact that we have to care for ourselves. We often see the lack of things like money, time, space and a few other things as obstacles and hindrances. If I must be honest, I would say it is a lot easier to care for yourself with a little more money in your pocket and enough time on your hands, but my mum never let the lack of these things stop her. I never gave it much thought until yesterday. I gave it a lot of thought.

Some of her self care didn’t even require much. She had very simple activities that didn’t make any sense to me, but now, oh now I see. One particular activity she called ‘Ma ahumbe’, meaning ‘take some fresh air’ but translates directly as ‘drink air’. I liked this activity. I don’t know if it was always pre-planned or if it was usually spur of the moment but she would usually just say “se za ma nen ahumbe” which means “let us go and get some fresh air”. My memory is not so clear on the ‘us’ but one person I know was always there with me is my immediate elder sister, we would get into the back seat of my mum’s Honda prelude and we would drive all around our town, for no reason at all. The fun part for us was how my mum would open the small rectangle on the roof of the car and let us put our hands through and feel the air. I didn’t know why she did it then but it was fun for me.

Yesterday I couldn’t leave my bed, I was resting because my body was not happy about the stress I had put it through at work for two straight days. My husband was out of town so it was just me and my son, SonTer. I stayed in bed from morning when I woke until about 4pm. I finished a novel I was reading and watched 2 cheesy romance movies. I was tired of resting, sadly but honestly, I don’t know how to rest… I am still coaching myself. I wanted to take a walk, but my body wasn’t up to it. I just lay there and let my mind wander around and tried to figure out what to do and then i decided to go for a drive, so I said to Son “se za ma ahumbe”. He had no idea what I said but he loves to go out and before I could get ready, he was at the door. We drove round the town, for one hour, for no reason.

I am 38 years old I was doing this for the first time and all I can say is, it was totally refreshing. I made sure the music wasn’t as loud as we usually play it so that we could talk. I pointed out things and explained things just like my mum used to. It was totally therapeutic. I felt like I hit a reset button. What made it much more beautiful was when SonTer said “mummy, thank you for doing this”.

I’m going over today to tell my mum “Thank you mummy for doing it for me”.

I love who he is

The world has a population of over 7 billion People, each one of us different from the other. The differences including obvious things like race, skin colour, language, height, weight and so on. Some times the difference between one person and the other can be very little things, take a set of identical twins for example. They could be similar in every physical detail but could be very very different when it comes to their temperament, sound of their voices, their taste in clothes or food, level of intelligence and so on.

In our home, it’s just me, my husband – Terver and my son – SonTer. The 3 of us are so different, each person having their different favourite things, temperaments, foods and so on. We have similar ideas, TV shows and other stuff but you can see that we are all different. SonTer is 7 years old and the older he gets, the more I notice his qualities and traits. Sometimes I get tempted to praise, guide, judge or rebuke him based on what other kids his age may be doing or may have done. I try not to.

I remember one day, It was the week before the start of a new term. SonTer and I went from place to place within our town, Makurdi, to restock on a few things he would be needing come Monday at school. We did our usual singing in the car as we went around, making our stops at the supermarket, kiddies supply store and bookshop.

At the book shop I bought a number of pencils, erasers, sharpeners, crayons, pens, rulers and note books. For his class which is Primary 2, they have not begun the use of pens yet but he insisted on the pens and I bought them because he does all his drawings with pens. That’s what the note books were for too, drawing. I remember buying plain drawing books for him a couple of times, but no, he prefers to draw on a note book meant for writing.

On our way home I actually got really curious. I wondered how long our little purchase from the bookshop would last. I found myself saying the craziest things to him like “SonTer I want these things to to last atleast till the middle of the term… Bla Bla Bla”. He innocently promised they would. I knew they wouldn’t because I know what he can and cannot do.

Out of curiosity I decided to send a photo of the stationery to my family whatsapp group to find out how long their own kids would use that particular quantity. I smiled with each response. Some said their children would use it for about a week, some said 2 weeks but the one that really got me laughing was the one who said her kids would probably misplace them all on the first day.

I had already made up my mind that I would restock after 2 weeks and that’s exactly how long they lasted. I realised that I had already accepted this as normal because that is who he is, that’s how long he would use 6 pencils, 6 pens, 4 erasers, 4 pencil sharpeners, a pack of crayons, a bottle of glue, 3 rulers and 2 “drawing books”. I guess my dad taught me that. He would always say in my native dialect “i deen iyol aa anza ve” which translates to “let people be the way they are”.

The older SonTer gets, I find that I like who he is and who he is becoming. As a parent I am expected to guide him and I am doing my part but he seems to be doing me proud by just being himself.

Let us love people for who they are.

I don’t love SonTer only because he is my son, I love SonTer for who he is.