Hey,
Not everyone sets out to hurt you intentionally.
People make mistakes.
Trying to hurt them back doesn’t help…
It only makes things worse.
When people are sorry and you don’t forgive them, it hurts.
Sometimes you don’t get the chance to make it right again.
Don’t take the Lydia in your life for granted.
One minute I’m grinning from ear to ear, reading a reply Derrick J Knight left me on Happy…
“Here’s a like to make you happy and a smile of appreciation 🙂”
Next minute, my laundry guy’s call comes through…
“Ma’am I thought you should know, I just lost my new born child”.
Life is just a zigzag
I spent the entire 2nd week in may 2022 in anxiety. I was afraid of Friday, the 13th of May.
I learned a lot about grief in a few months…between December 2021 and April 2022.
What amazes me is how it took over 20 years of loosing loved ones to finally feel a great sense of loss.
I’ve lost so many loved ones over the years so you would think I would have become used to death and grieving.
Let’s see, there was aunty Pat, then there was Shagba, Uncle Abraham, Uncle Peter, Joey, Ernie, Tertsea, Uncle Nguneakaa… It’s a long list.
In addition to that list, on a Friday, the 13th day of May 2013 Uncle Charles went to be with the Lord. It was a bad blow.
It was when I gave in to the belief that Friday the 13th was an unlucky day.
Somehow I never noticed any ones that occured till 2022.
Filled with grief and fear from the loss of my friend and my cousin within one month, I couldn’t help but notice that the 13th of May 2022 fell on a Friday.
I waited in fear…
The day came and went.
Everything went well.
It was all in my mind.
Fear is a horrible thing.
List 30 things that make you happy.
Hearing myself laugh
Elevation Church/Worship
When I see people worship Yahweh… especially in singing
When my boy smiles
Getaways
Cold days under the covers
Some Bible stories…
Writing
My sisters and I together, being very obnoxious
Being appreciated
A fridge full of food
egroup #thereforeihope
Music
Grovel scenes in novels
Family
Driving
Driving with loud music
Genuine friendships
Random acts of kindness
Romcoms
Period dramas
Being understood
Vegetable Salads
Beans
Whiskey
Laughing from deep inside
Being able to help someone
A tidy house
Learning something new
Getting likes on my blog posts
Hey
I think of you
I know you got a good seat over there
What’s it like?
Any good stories?
Hold them, you’ll tell me when I get there.
Is there a place where you sit and have a drink?
Have one on me…
I will pick up the tab someday.
Raise your glass, I’m raising mine
Happy birthday Fazzy Wazzy
For a long while, I’ve worried about my need for happiness.
I formulated a saying in my head “you only earnestly seek what you don’t have” and it worries me…because it implies I’m unhappy.
Am I?
I really don’t think so.
I started a happiness challenge on the 13th of May. I tagged it 100 days of happiness.
Somewhere along the line, I changed it to lifetime of happiness.
The 20th day of August would have been my 100 days…but why stop at 100?
I must say, it hasn’t been an easy challenge but I’m proud to announce that I could count with one hand the number of times I’ve let a sad moment linger too long…
…and with one finger, the number of times I’ve cried sad tears.
With intentionality as my key, I forge on.
I yearn for happiness.
And I hope that the following quote by Rumi applies; “what you seek is seeking you”.
“Welcome to the 4th floor babe, it’s a cruise”…I didn’t know what Nguwa meant…now I do.
It’s been an amazing year.
I can say I’ve loved myself more.
I’ve learned a few more things about myself.
I’ve achieved a mental reset that I didn’t know I could.
I’ve let go of things I thought I couldn’t live without.
I’ve lived a little more.
I’ve loved a lot more.
I’ve met new faces and new names.
Maybe it’s in the mind…I think I opened its door a little wider.
Hey Forty… I love you
Hey 41, what’s in store?
Who’s at the back of your mind when you write?
Or are they at the centre
Or right in the front of it…your heart.
Who’s the one person
or maybe two people…
You always hope will read
Everything thing that your mind has to say
Everything that you want them to know?
Is there someone?
Who?
Sitting right there…
At the back of your mind
Maybe I’m getting old.
But I’ll just be 41 in a week…that’s far from old.
Maybe it’s the kid who’s really smart.
First it was a song, it came on for the first time ever on the car stereo, I had hooked up my Spotify and it was feeding me randomly based on my taste…
Next thing I hear…my son SonTer asking “Mommy is this his original song or is it a cover?”
My first question was “who is ‘he’?”
I had no clue who he was talking about.
Turned out it was my dear Lewis Capaldi singing ‘Haven’t you ever been in Love before?’…he knew his voice… I didn’t.
I’ve had a few other situations where I’ve questioned myself about forgetting… A file at work… A previous arrangement with a friend, a conversation I had…
And then today, sixteen minutes into ‘Happiness for beginners’ and my son goes “Mommy she was in some episodes of ‘The Office'”.
I’m second guessing because I can’t remember. We do the wiki and there she is…Erin from The Office.
Should I be freaking out? Is this normal?
I remember my niece once suggested games… I’m on candy crush, cross word and words with friends…
Any other suggestions?
That smile…
I couldn’t seem to get it out of my mind. It haunted me and made me want to reach out to him.
That smile was one of the most beautiful things I had seen in a while. It revealed so much and negated much more.
I had wondered what happened to him…and his sister too.
I remember them from many years back… the shuffles and chitchatting from their morning routines…the beautiful voices that sang praises to God in the morning. They used to be sweet kids… There was just a wall in between our backyards.
Somewhere along the line, I heard their mum left… No one knew why.
Two sweet kids, left alone with daddy. I have no idea what kind of daddy he was…
…but not too long, they weren’t kids anymore… gradually…the world kind of lured them. To what? I don’t know…just mere hearsays…
What do I know? They wouldn’t look up anymore when they walked past me or anyone…not even a hello…maybe one hello in ten passings…
what was the point in saying hello anyway, everyone thought they were bad kids… presumably in bad company and on some substances too.
I guess I joined the rest… I don’t know. I never said a word to them…these kids I once knew. I took my few hellos they gave and walked on by.
Not until today…Today I got a hello and I asked how he was…and then I asked; “Your name is Jesse…am I right?” He nodded and paused, then I added “…and your sister is Sharon… I hear you call out to each other all the time”.
That’s when he let it out, that smile…all teeth and crinkles around his eyes. It said so much.
Maybe I’m going to say a little more to him and not just say hello. He needs to know he’s got at least one person who hasn’t written him off.
Modified and narrated for Msugh Iyange Yakubu (my sister) from her true life experience
