Separately Whole

The other day, my husband Terver asked me if I had seen his new sketchers and if I thought they looked nice. He was pointing in the direction of his shoes on the shoe rack, and I was looking around, wondering what he was talking about.

When he pointed them out, I asked, “Oh, is that what they are called?” He was surprised that I didn’t know that they were called sketchers.

Then, on another day, he got me some gifts, and among them was a pair of slip-ons. I was excited and said, “I really like this Betula. It’s been a long time since I had a Betula.”

He looked at me and asked, “What is that? What’s a Betula?”

Apparently, he didn’t know what a Betula was.

These two little incidents got me thinking about how two people can share a life without necessarily sharing the same knowledge, interests, or experiences.

I really like the idea of couples sometimes having their own lives, pursuing different interests, going to different places, reading different books, and learning things independently. This doesn’t mean I want couples to live apart, I think that this often allows them to bring something new into the life they share.

I think there’s something beautiful about being with someone who is both your companion and a person with a world of their own. Someone you can learn from, be surprised by, and continue discovering, even years into the relationship.

I don’t think the aim of being together is to strive to become the same person… I think there’s beauty in remaining ourselves and letting our different worlds enrich the one we’re creating together.