We are Different

My son once told me, “You know Ben thought that you hated him. This was a long time ago, Mommy, so please don’t take it like it is happening now.”

But I remember it. And after much thought, and many other experiences, I think I may have understood something. I don’t think it was that much of a problem.  I just didn’t know myself well enough.

Ben was a child who didn’t really obey rules. And I am a strict mom. I like rules. I like timelines. I like guidelines. I like knowing that if we have agreed that something should be done this way, then it should be done this way.

And I am grateful to God because my son does. SonTer does. I have to praise that boy because he kind of spoiled me as a mother.

He made obedience look so normal. He doesn’t seem to see rules and guidelines as torture. It’s more like, “Okay, this is the right thing to do… let’s do it.”

So when I am around children who are constantly testing boundaries, throwing tantrums, refusing to obey, and making everything a struggle, I struggle too.

I remember telling my son, and even my husband at some point, that I am not very good with children at a certain age. I wish I was. I really do… I think I find it difficult because it is a stage where you are constantly trying to get them to do things they don’t want to do. So,  instead of fighting with them, I often just avoid them.

I am an avoider.

This thought got me thinking about adults.

I think it is just the same thing. When I meet adults who don’t really care about rules, guidelines, structure or what I consider the right way to do things, we don’t always blend well. Because of this, sometimes I am perceived as not being a nice person.

For a while, that really bothered me. I wondered, “Why do people see me this way?”

After much introspection, I am beginning to understand something. Maybe I don’t have to make myself upset because someone doesn’t follow the rules I would follow.

Maybe I don’t have to make them follow them either. At this point I will like to think this connects to my previous post about expectations.

I talked about how sometimes expectations are really just dreams that bring disappointment. How I can expect people to behave according to what I think is reasonable, fair or obvious, and then become disappointed when they don’t.

I think I have to stop expecting people to operate like me… they don’t have to. I don’t have to make them.

I can face my own goals. I can follow my own values. I can live according to the standards and expectations I have chosen for myself, and let other people face theirs.

It doesn’t have to be intentional and it doesn’t have to mean somebody is bad and somebody is good… we are simply not going for the same thing.

I remember learning, even as a child, that people are different. Different temperaments. Different personalities. Different ways of thinking and responding to life… somehow, as we grow older, we forget this.

We meet people who are very different from us, and because their way of being makes us uncomfortable, we begin to think there must be something wrong with them… Or even that there is something wrong with us. We are simply different.

Author: Emaistace

wife, mom, sister, daughter, aunty, friend. writing my everyday thoughts as they pop up. View all posts by Emaistace