A couple of days ago I had a conversation with my older sister and at some point in that conversation, I tried to say a few things to her and in the process I got misunderstood somehow. Trying to explain my point left me a bit distraught and then of course teary. The more I opened my mouth to speak, the more I teared up. I need to add, that isn’t unusual at all. That is typical Mimi.
Now, the issue was that my sister became shocked and might I say, upset. She told me she didn’t expect tears and she was beyond shocked, as our conversation didn’t warrant any tears.
I’ve spent almost forty eight hours thinking about this. I have wondered how she never knew this about me. Then it hit me, we have never had a conversation where my emotions were spread out on the table. I realized that when I am with her, I always try to be a strong pillar for her, hiding any issues or problems, if I had them. I have always felt she didn’t need to add my own worries to hers.
My mind began to wander, wondering how many people really knew the people around them or what they were capable or incapable of, what they like or don’t like, what scares them and what makes them happy.
Do people know that I can’t bear to watch a traumatic news item or movie? Haunts me for days. Do they know that a romcom book or movie can completely reset a bad day for me? Do they know that I love it when people are happy and it breaks my heart when I see someone hurting?Does anyone know that I bother myself about the most trivial issues? worrying that I’ve upset someone about this or that? Do they know, that at the slightest sign of conflict, my heart begins to beat faster that usual?I guess not…
My question is, are we to tell people about ourselves and make them aware of who we are or do they get to find out as we get to know each other and as the bond thickens?
If we don’t let them know, we can’t blame them when they appear not to know. Right?
well presented post; thought provoking; we humans are such friable beings; misunderstandings will occur and have to be negotiated; I have lost a good friend on WordPress from some careless comment I made —
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Thank you John.
Yes, misunderstandings will occur…
So sorry about the friend, maybe time will mend that loss
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I hope so but I think not; we just have to accept that some things are unmendable —
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This is true and yet hard to accept
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yes, Mimi, but once you accept it, the load lifts —
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If we are the ones spending our lives supporting others, our own vulnerability gets overlooked
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This is true and came as a shock to me last night
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I think it is some of both. we have to let them know who we are, and they have to want to know who we are
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I love this response Beth. It’s comforting and satisfying. Thank you.
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It’s a double edge sword. We try to protect those around us by always being strong yet we’re being unfair to ourselves and to them because once we do react they are shocked and are worried. I do it a lot, hiding what I feel or what I’m going through to spare my love ones but once the truth is revealed they’re upset that I didn’t say anything about the situation. Yes it’s a hard one and I still hold back ☺️ just a little because that’s just me. Your sister only knows that strong you you’ve shown so talk about it, it’ll be okay and maybe good for another sweet cry 🤗.
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Thank you so much. I will try to talk it out with her. I was actually thinking of writing something to her first, that may reduce the amount of tears 😭.
Sending you hugs and thanks
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All will be fine.
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Thank you
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I’d prefer the latter but what if the person refuses to see or listen to who or what you are? It sort of overwhelming
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It reminds me a another situation I had with someone
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It’s a very weird situation
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And uncomfortable too
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Very overwhelming
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I can easily relate to most of this…
What makes it interesting is how when you eventually show yourself as human, beyond being the anchor, there is some surprise and in some cases, ‘interesting’ feedback. Maybe it is our lot, as the final frontiers of the family (a.k.a last pikins) to have become anchors or something. I totally lost my tears in the standing for other things and other stuff. Maybe, also because I cried a lot as a pikin.
I pray there is room for you to be more you and that in any which way, people will let you be in what spaces you want to be, how you want to be – in any shape and way.
PS: Like I mentioned, this could easily have been me – except for the tears sha. You should stop stealing things from my mind that I have not even thought of and writing them o! Mek we no fight *laughs
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Oh darling Su, reading your response here and you messages in my chat made me smile.
I want to take time and ponder on your possible reasons.
We will talk more on this soon.
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