Conversations

I love conversations. I think they are very interesting and underrated. I love conversations so much that I am often drawn to movies that have excellent conversations. The before trilogy (Before Sunrise, Before Sunset and Before Midnight) is a good choice if you want to see any movie with good conversations. What really gets me going in a conversation is the Intelligent back and forth. When this is lacking, it makes me want to shut down. Without the back and forth, there is no conversation.

If you are like me and you enjoy a good back and forth discussion then one person you may not want to get into a conversation with is a conversational narcissist. These people unconsciously or consciously make the conversation one sided. They grab hold of the discussion and dominate it. It doesn’t matter how long it’s going to be, they are going to be doing the talking and they very well expect you to listen. They will most likely strip it of its initial content and take it to something they are knowledgeable about.

Some of us talk to each other but we do not have conversations. We drop our words and that’s that. Maybe we do not know how to proceed from there or perhaps we are not really interested in making conversation. If the latter is the case, then, that’s out of my scope. However, if you appreciate a good conversation and you would love to have a few good ones, then, I may have a few helpful tips for you.

A few things you may want to note;

• A conversation is a sharing of thoughts and ideas between two or more people.
• Not everyone wants to have a conversation. When you are around such people, don’t force it.
• There must be back and forth. You talk, they listen and respond. They talk, you listen and respond.
• An argument is not a conversation.

Tips For Having A Good Conversation

• Listen: The easiest way to get a conversation going is in the listening. When we listen to each other, we are able to ask meaningful and relatable questions that get the conversation going.
• Pay attention to details: sometimes a little detail can give meaning to other bigger details.
• Make and maintain eye contact: This is one reason i do not like phone conversations. Maintaining eye contact often shows interest. Growing up, I had eye contact anxiety and I am still working on it, but I realised over the years that I enjoy my conversations when I make reasonable eye contact. This allows me assess your concentration and interest in the conversation.
• Ask questions and listen to the response: it is one thing to ask a question and it is another thing to actually listen to the response. When you ask a question, listen to the response without interrupting. You can note your comment down and do so after they may have finished speaking. It is always good to ask open ended questions to allow the person you are conversing with go beyond a yes or no response.
• Don’t force your ideas and opinions on others: Conversations are an avenue to learn new things and also unlearn some. What is known and acceptable to you may not be the same for others. Give room for difference in opinions.

Whether it is an online or physical meeting, text or a phone call, if you want to enjoy good conversations, it would be nice to note and try out the tips above. I have been trying them too and I like how things are going so far.